It’s Been That Kind of Season

Three games to go, Everton away.

Usually it doesn’t matter how shit Everton are, we always
lose here. Most seasons we might as well not even bother playing it. Everton
2018 are pretty shit and that’s the only way that the word pretty to be used in
connection with the team with Sam Allardyce in charge. They appointed him after
fat PE teacher David Unsworth was surprisingly found to be not up to the job
and he did exactly what it says on the tin, he got them organised and got them
safe from relegation with about three months to spare. That’s what he does. What
he doesn’t do this play free-flowing attractive football which is what the now
money-entitled Everton fans think they should play and they are all up in arms
about the style of football that an Allardyce team plays. For the record,
Everton have never played free-flowing and attractive football since the mid-80s
and the only time I remember them getting anywhere close was under Roberto
Martinez for five years ago but they kept losing and the fans soon wanted him
out as well and got their wish. Apparently some questionnaires were
accidentally on purpose sent to Everton fans by the club to rate Allardyce out
of 10.  For a club with so many
pretension is about being a big player now, how tinpot, disrespectful and
amateurish is that?

Anyway, hopefully it’s an on the beach and can’t be arsed Everton that we play
today. All the media channels have been pretty quiet on Saints this week so not
much to report. Mr Lemina was quoted as saying that he wasn’t thinking about
his next move and he was only thinking about keeping Southampton up. I’ll just
leave that one there. Let’s see if he can put in two decent performances in a
row. As it turns out, the only change the team was to tighten things up a bit
with Hojbjerg coming in from Redmond which I assume means Tadic playing further
forward and possibly Lemina being pushed forward a bit too. There is a worrying
lack of pace in the attack especially bearing in mind that Everton‘s centre
back, Phil Jagielka is about 49 years old.  Everton have a few missing with Walcott,
Rooney and Sigurdsson all injured so let’s hope we make the most of that.  Today’s referee is Jon Moss who used to be
the drummer in Culture Club but now he’s a fat referee who can’t keep up with
play. I’m sure the fact that it’s a hot day will help him a lot.

Lemina looks like he’s playing on the left for us but is
indeed pushed forward.  We start the game
strongly and look the more composed side but it’s Everton who have the first
effort with straggly haired little twat Tom Davies firing wide from the edge of
the box.  Cenk Tosun is next to have a
go, looping a header harmlessly onto the roof of the net.

Saints are playing well until the final third where Tadic is
struggling to have an impact and the crossing opportunities that the full backs
have are wasted as both Cedric and Bertrand overhit everything by a factor of 3.  Cedric then manages to keep a cross on the
pitch and it’s headed out, sits up nicely for Austin who just smashes it
goalwards and Pickford pulls off save for the cameras.

Everton really don’t look up for this and no one fancied
closing Romeu down so his eventuall shot took a flick off of a defender and
Pickford got lucky as he parried it out and it didn’t fall to the lurking
Austin.  Saints are also showing the new
cynicism we have in the side with Austin taking a booking and hauling down
Coleman to stop a break.  Lemina appears
to have picked up a knock but fair play to him, he is carrying on but one more
sprint to contain a Coleman run leaves it unlikely that he’ll emerge for the
second half.  Half time and solid enough
and Everton fans boo their team off, presumably mortified that Fat Sam’s team
is playing football like Fat Sam’s team always does.

Redmond is on for Lemina and we start the half well and look
like the only team interested in trying to create something.  On 57 minutes, Romeu starts a move from the
back and we’re away with Tadic on the right and he slides a ball inside the
full back and Cedric crosses brilliantly on the run and there’s Redmond of all
people at the back stick to head it down and past Pickford and into the net for
his first goal of the season.  Get
in.  Redmond scoring was less surprising
than Cedric keeping a cross on the pitch but well played both.

Niasse comes on for Everton as Fat Sam reacts but he makes
no difference to the direction of the traffic towards Everton’s goal.  Tadic puts Bertrand away on the left and he
takes a leaf out of Cedric’s book and keeps one on the pitch and Jagielka nods
it just over his own bar with Pickford flapping like a budgie behind him.  JWP comes on for Tadic and takes the corner
which is cleared and the passage of play ends with Funes Mori clearing and
doing some sort of triple somersault in the air, complete with blood curdling
scream to ensure that Fat Jon Moss booked Yoshida for the half challenge that
he made.

Long is on for Austin but it’s fellow sub Redmond who is
causing all the problems, taking a long ball from Hoedt and driving at Everton
before smashing it just over from the edge of the box.  We are still looking in no danger at all and
win a free kick on the right which JWP optimistically fires at goal only for
Pickford to save confortably.  Big boot
forward, no one wins it cleanly and Niasse toes it past Yoshida who launches
him into space.  Fuck.  Guess what Fat Jon is gonna do? Yellow, Red…fuck!

4-4-1 but we’re still the better side as 90 minutes arrives,
Redmond again scaring them shitless with direct running after a shocking
Michael Keane clearance and shooting from a narrow angle which Pickford saves
again.  4 minutes to be added.

As we reach 93 minutes, Coleman is one of the few Everton
players who looks like he cares and he takes a throw, gets it back and cuts
along the top of the penalty area and Hoedt dives in, in clumsy shit fashion and
takes him out, right on the edge of the box. 
Leighton Baines has these for breakfast and up he steps, over the wall,
under the bar and McCarthy gets across to brilliantly turn it over.  Spectacular save.  From the corner, a McCarthy punch and
Hojbjerg pucks it up and runs to for the hills, making it right the way to the
left corner before conceding a throw. 
Everton smash it forwards and we win it again, JWP playing a 1-2 with
Cedric and then curling a ball into the corner where Redmond does brilliantly
to knock it past Funes Mori and it in on goal. 
Fat Cunt Moss decides that he’d fouled the Everton player and gives a
free kick for fuck all and then allows them to pinch 10 yards and take it.

And so it unfolds – Niasse crosses from the left, McCarthy
punches but not cleanly and it’s going for a throw on the left, Bertrand chases
it and tries to smack it up the line but it goes straight to an Everton player,
on to Gueye and he advances to the edge of the area and plays it across to
Davies.  No one really closes him down. Time
stands still.  I know he’s going to
fucking score.  I just know it.  I can see it nestling in the bottom far
corner.  He doesn’t even hit it cleanly
the scruffy little fucker but it’s going for the corner as predicted, McCarthy should
save it, no bother.  Then it passes
through Wesley Hoedt’s legs but not before flicking off his heel and going the
other way.  1-1.  We get to the middle, kick off and the Fat
Cunt blows his whistle.

Just. Fuck. Off.

Talk about things conspiring against you. Lucky fucking bastards.  The biggest issue from me is that the fat
cunt gave a free-kick against Redmond from miles away and he clearly won the
ball and the linesman who was right next to it, gave nothing. The role of the
linesman in the Premier League has bothered me for a few years now. They seem
to be almost reduced to how they are used in kids games when they are told just
to give throw-ins and offsides and not give fouls, even ones where they are
right next to it. It wasn’t even part of John Moss’ thought process to think ”the
lino is right next to it and he hasn’t given the foul so it must be play on“.  You’d think that with being a fat unfit twat
who was blowing out of his arse, he’d use the official who is right next to the
incident.  As for the linesman, the
official title is actually ‘referees assistant’ which to me anyway, implies
that they should assist the referee when they have a better view than him. The
change in job title is probably to do with a sexism outcry because we now have
some female officials but you see my point.

Then he allows them to take the free-kick for about 10 yards ahead of where it should’ve
been taken from. It reminds me so much of the goal against Arsenal last season when
four infringements were ignored to enable Arsenal to get up the pitch and
ultimately be awarded a penalty. It’s like the referees get excited and in
their head is a voice talking to them on repeat going “wouldn’t it be great if
there was a last minute goal, wouldn’t it be great if there was a last-minute
goal, wouldn’t it be great if there was a last-minute goal”.   Fucking hell we have had a few shit deals of
referees this season. The Doucoure handball against Watford, the non-sending
off of Alonso against Chelsea and now today. That’s probably seven points right
there. A lot will point out the goal coming in the 96th minute when only four
minutes extra with signal. To be honest, I don’t have too much of an issue with
the timekeeping there when Cedric did get up after his injury, It was 92 minutes
gone so you could argue that at most, Moss has played an extra 30 seconds but Mr
Moss, if you are going to be pedantic about seconds on the clock then surely
you should make free kicks be taken from the correct place.

We of course played a part ourselves as Ryan Bertrand made a wrong decision by
keeping a ball in play that was running out for throw-in and then producing a
horrible shanked clearance which just gave Everton the ball back which
ultimately led to the spawny deflected equalising goal.   A throw-in is easier to defence than a cross into
the box.  Another shit decision was made
by Maya Yoshida to go for that second tackle which got him his second yellow
card which meant we play the last 15 minutes with 10 men. You can argue the
legitimacy of the first yellow card which was extremely harsh and probably no
contact but the fact remains that he knew he was on a yellow card before he
went for the second challenge. That was a shame because he was having a great
game until that point and we will miss him for the Swansea game. I thought he
was very dominant in the air today and this will bring Jack Stephens into the
team and he is the opposite.

As every week goes by, you see the difference that Mark Hughes has made and yet
again, I’m pondering that even with an extra month of Hughes, instead of that
arseclown Pellegrino and we would being completely safe by now. The team has purpose
and to a man, put a shift in and none of them could be accused of anything less
than 100% commitment to the cause.  All it
needed Les, was a competent manager. 
Hughes some choice words to say about Fat Jon.  “Thirty yards behind the play like he always
is” and “no point in talking to him as he’s probably getting his breath back”
and “useless fucking fat twat”.  Well
played Sparky.  I may have made up the
last one.

Alex McCarthy shouldn’t just be on the plane from England in the World Cup, he
should be first choice. There is no better English goalkeeper at the moment.
Another absolutely fantastic performance and it took a horrible deflection to
beat him. Every cross was claimed or punched away to safety and the save from
Baines freekick was world class. Again, the back three stood up well and the
midfield made sure that Everton barely got any attacking momentum at all.
Losing Lemina at half time was a blow but it got Nathan Redmond onto the pitch
and he was absolutely brilliant in the second half, scoring one and constantly
panicking the Everton defenders with his running and movement. When he is
allowed to play like that, we have a proper player on our hands. As for the
full-backs, well Bertrand had a decent match defensively until the 96th minute
and Cedric put over an absolutely brilliant cross for the goal after virtually
a whole season of all his crosses being completely and utterly shit.

There is injustice and there is anger but the situation remains largely the
same. If we beat Swansea on Tuesday and we stay up. Personally, I am always happier
going into a game needing a win rather than needing a draw because needing a
draw encourages complacency.  The Claude
Puel inspired Europa League exit to Hapoel Be’er Sheva stands out from recent
memory.  West Brom would’ve been down if
we won today and Huddersfield would have needed to get at least a point out of
the three top six sides that they are playing between now and end of the
season. None of that really matters on Tuesday night. If we win then we are
safe as none out of Stoke, Swansea or West Brom will be able to catch us
barring a catastrophe in the last game.

Let’s fucking do it.