All Aboard the Ralph Express

Tottenham at home and apparently we haven’t beaten them at
St Mary’s for 15 years? Can that possibly be right? Certainly feels like it.
Whisper it quietly but we might be playing them at a good time as they have
lost three out of the last four league games but on the other hand, they got
through to the Champions League quarter-finals despatching Borussia Dortmund 4-0
on aggregate.

Mauricio Pochettino was of course a manager who we all
respected and he did a great job at Southampton until Cortese left and he
basically decided that he was not going to stay past the end of that season. He
joined the list containing Van Dijk, Lallana and Fonte by trying to justify his
exit in the build up to the game, saying he cried when he left Southampton. I’d
cry too if my bank balance suddenly went through the fucking roof.  Does anyone seriously believe this bollocks?
Fuck off. I wonder if when he cried, he cried in Spanish because he didn’t do
anything in English when he was our manager but soon as he went to Spurs, hey presto,
decent English. I wonder if he cried when he looked round Spurs training ground
with Daniel Levy, whilst he was still contracted to be our manager? You’re a
decent manager Mauricio and in the main, a fairly stand up guy but spare us the
bollocks.

Earlier on in the season, Tottenham at Wembley was the first game that Ralph Hasenhuttl
watched before becoming the Saints manager. Wembley Stadium – a gift from the
FA. No doubt they will find a stadium to Coventry City to play in so they are
not threatened with expulsion out of the league. As I write, the new Spurs ground
is still not open on the site of the old White Hart Lane – a building delay
which will probably mean that Harry Kane, Christian Eriksen and possibly Dele
Alli will hang around for another season on lower wages and they would get at
any other Champions League club in this country.  To be honest though, the fact that Spurs can
be in the top three all season was having a wage bill that is a fraction of all
the other huge clubs, is a glowing tribute to their manager and a tribute to
not making too many huge mistakes along the way.  It won’t last forever though unless they
start winning things.

Aside from Pochettino, Spurs have a couple of our ex’s in Toby Alderweireld and
Victor Wanyama. Alderweireld seems to be in and out of the side with injury
these days and Wanyama seems to be in and out of the seven players on the
bench. Such a waste.

To the teams and Ralph has gone same again with Charlie Austin continuing up
front with Shane Long being the only forward on the bench. Josh Sims is preferred
to Elyounoussi and Callum Slattery is included ahead of Sam Gallagher. Spurs
appear to have rested a couple with Son Heung-Min on the bench and Lucas Moura
starting. Alderweireld is not included so Davinson Sanchez partners Jan
Vertonghen. A front for of Kane, Eriksen, Alli and Moura looks a bit scary.

Pochettino is in the stands today, serving the first game of
the two game touchline ban for confronting the referee at the end of the game
last week. Hopefully someone has had the nous to leave him a big box of tissues
by his seat in case he starts crying when memories of Southampton come flooding
back.

The game starts and we look shit scared and dreadful. As routine as you like, a
long ball forward is flicked on by Alli and Kane is clean through as no one is
picking him up. It’s a good chance but the England captain lashes it wide.

We show absolutely no signs of learning any lessons as Eriksen then picked the
ball up in midfield and has time to chip forward to Kane again. Kane this time
juggles the ball on the shoulder for a little bit before attempting to score
goal of the century, smashing it on the volley but well over.

Surely we are going to learn our lessons now but no as Redmond pisses around around
with it in our own corner until he loses it and again, Kane is found in acres
of space. This time he crosses it and Yoshida, in desperation to stop the ball
reaching Alli, succeeds only in diverting it against his own post, from which
the ball pings out and hits the sliding Yoshida on his arse and he eventually
clears it. Not far though as it comes back in and finds its way to Danny Rose
who is closed down by both Valery and Romeu and so of course decides to dive,
like the horrible twat that he is, in between the two of them and get a very
cheap free kick out of Kevin Friend who has failed his first “is he going to be
an arsehole?” test of the day. It’s twitchy arseholes all round as Eriksen
steps up and it’s over the wall and pinging off the top of the crossbar and
over as Angus Gunn and all the defenders look on.  We have been very lucky.

20 minutes gone and we can easily be 4-0 down and Austin has not touched the
ball yet. The first time I noticed him is when he tries a shot on the turn
which is blocked and we eventually recycle it back to JWP whose shot is also
blocked and suddenly we are in the shit and Spurs are on the break. Kane gives
it to Alli who waits until Kane has run off the back of Vestergaard and plays
him in. Only one result here, goal, 1-0 to Spurs. Can’t really say they haven’t
deserved it.

The rest of the first half was spent in a kind of drowsy acceptance of what is
going on but we dig in and get to half-time just the one goal adrift which is a
bit of a result I have to say. At least we are still in the game and Ralph has
a chance to do something. Personally, I can’t see us coming back out with three
centre backs in the second half.

Ralph is not fucking about. Romeo is off, probably because he’s been booked and
Austin is off as well, probably because he’s been shit. Watching a team try and
press the opposition defenders when Charlie Austin is the furthest forward?
Just no. Austin is replaced by Shane long (sigh!) and also on is Josh Sims.

Sims immediately makes a difference running at Danny Rose who suddenly doesn’t
look like the overconfident arrogant little shit that he looked in the first
half. Aside from that though it doesn’t immediately get any better as Kane
beats both Valery and Yoshida with a run down the left wing and curls one for
the far corner which Gunn gets finger tips to and pushes it for a corner.

In one incident though, you suddenly see that there might be a route back into
the game for us as Sissoko loses it in our half and suddenly we are away at
pace. Long tears down the right and crosses it in and the ball finds its way to
Redmond on the left hand side and he jinks past Sanchez but it’s on his wrong
foot and he lashes into the side netting. 
Fuck.  Bearing in mind that we
have done absolutely fuck all in this game so far, I’ll take this as an
encouraging sign.

Sims is running at the defence at every opportunity and we are committing lots
of bodies forward so even if we lose the ball we have a decent chance of winning
it back very quickly and from one such incident, Captain Hojbjerg has a chance
but again, it’s on the wrong foot so he leans back and smashes it over the bar.

It’s ramping up a bit now and Valery chips a ball forward, over the top of
Vertonghen. Sims is there first but Vertonghen boots it away from right in
front of Sims nose and kicks him in the face at the same time. Anywhere else on
the pitch, that is a free-kick and a yellow card but it’s in the penalty area
and it’s Kevin Friend of Spurs so absolutely nothing gets given. Again we win
the ball back and Long again picks it up and finds Redmond with a cross to the
near post but Redmond again can only hit the side netting.  Kevin Friend – He’s One of Your Own

There are 15 minutes to go and it’s not happening despite us being much the better
side now. Kane has another glorious chance and chips over the bar in amateurish
fashion and Shane Long has picked up a knock and has to go off to be replaced
by Stuart Armstrong with Redmond becoming the central striker. Spurs have
bought on Son to replace Lucas Moura so both teams have got stronger.

Four minutes later, it happens with Bertrand playing a lovely ball in behind
Kyle Walker-Peters to Armstrong and the man with the fabulous hair pulls the
cross back. Sanchez misses it, Vertonghen misses it and then hilariously, Danny
Rose decides to step over it, not realising that Yan Valery was right behind
him. The comedy doesn’t finish there though because Valery completely mis-hits
it and bobbles it into the ground and it loops up over Lloris to make it 1-1.

How the fuck are we still in this game, let alone level? Stranger things have
happened so let’s go and fucking win it. Another quick break and this time it’s
Redmond streaking away down the right. He goes to cross the ball to where
Armstrong is steaming through the middle, hair looking magnificent in the wind
but Kyle Walker-Peters just brings him down. Professional foul, all day long,
no attempt to play ball whatsoever so even with the new rules that’s a red
card. Hang on, it’s Kevin Fucking Friend of the Top Six refereeing again so he
just gets booked.

Meanwhile, we have a free-kick, about the same distance out as last week against
Manchester United but a little more central. Up steps JWP and fuck me he’s done
it again. Same technique, same corner, same result and another world-class
keeper grasping at thin air as it flies past him. Bloody hell, we are winning
and there are 10 minutes to go.

Not content with having been fucking useless so far, we now get peak Kevin Friend.
Redmond receives the ball and shields it but Sissoko doesn’t like this so he
just rakes his studs down the back of Redmond’s achilles. Friend sees this and
gets his yellow card out of his pocket but before he can show it, Redmond has
given Sissoko a little tap on the back and he has responded by giving him a
double handed shove in the chest followed by head-butt. Redmond to his credit,
doesn’t hit the deck but the esteemed Premier League Referee is looking
straight at it so no bother, surely a second yellow or a straight red is coming
out. Just the one yellow for Sissoko and the same for Redmond. What a fucking
joke.  So a slight tap on the back is
exactly the same as raking Achilles, a double handed shove in the chest and
head butt. Utterly ridiculous and this goes past incompetence territory and in
to outright cheating.

Pochettino stops crying about leaving Southampton for a minute and makes two
substitutions with Ben Davies coming on for Horrible Little Shit Danny Rose, to
give him his full title and Fernando Llorente is on for Dele Show Pony.

We are known for not managing this sort of situation particularly well but in
the main, we don’t do too badly. Bednarek is in the right place to head a
Sissoko shot over the bar and there is the loudest cheer of the afternoon when
Gunn catches the resulting corner. There is one minor alarm when Armstrong
needlessly and with maximum stupidity, fouls Kyle Walker-Peters out near the
touchline when he was going nowhere but Vestergaard gets his head to the
resulting freekick and we survive. Kevin Friend has one job and that is to blow
the final whistle which he actually manages to fucking do correctly, the
useless twat.

What a win – get in there. 
The players are going mental in front of the fans and it’s glorious
stuff.  I’m very cynical about
professional footballers and their motives but these guys seem to really be on
board with the club and what Ralph is trying to achieve.  It’s fantastic to see.  The tactical changes from Ralph at half time
turned the game around after a first half where Spurs were so much better than
us. If we had come off 4-0 behind then we really couldn’t have complained. The
fact that we weren’t 4-0 down was mainly down to Harry Kane repeatedly missing
decent chances. He did score one of course, which later turned out to be
offside.  More on the officiating later.

The second half was a different game because Ralph reacted to the half-arsed
rubbish that he saw from us in the first half. Oriol Romeu was slightly
unfortunate to be substituted as he was certainly no worse than Hojbjerg was
but I guess having already been booked was a factor. By taking Charlie Austin
off, we weren’t actually removing anything apart from a hologram. Josh Sims did
more in the opening five minutes of the half than Elyounoussi has contributed
all season and suddenly, Danny Rose was shown up to be the dodgy defender that
he is when faced with a proper winger. 
We seemed to target the full-backs as on the other side where the
youngster Kyle Walker-Peters was playing, we kept finding space in behind
him.  Shane Long was an improvement on
Austin but he didn’t have time to contribute much before he got injured but it
was a bit of a lucky break when he had to go off because Armstrong changed the
game and had a major hand in both of the goals. I’m sure that Shane would’ve
made an equal contribution if he had stayed on.  

We are also helped by Spurs and their attitude. They were so
cavalier and arrogant in the first half and they didn’t know how to react when
it suddenly got difficult. Dele Alli was the personification of this as he was
gliding about and playing like he was 20 times the player of anyone else on the
pitch and then he hardly touch the ball in the second half and was eventually
substituted.  It was also great to see
Danny Rose royally fuck up for the first goal.

Couldn’t find one of Pochettino crying about Southampton – so here’s an old one 

What can you say about JWP. 
Cometh the hour and all that – a 6th goal in 9 games.  He’ll end up as our top scorer if he keeps
this up.  Spurs fans are going on about
how he pinched about 5 yards for the free kick but it’s hard to take that too
seriously when you look at the balance of the referees decisions today.

Shitting on about the referee after you have lost is always
going to sound like sour grapes no matter how valid your grievances are but shitting
on about the referee after you have won has to carry some weight. Kevin Friend
was absolutely fucking useless today. Southampton have won this game despite 1)
Tottenham‘s goal being offside, 2) Sissoko not being sent off for a combination
of deliberately raking Redmond’s achilles, followed by a push in the chest,
followed by a head-butt, 3) Walker Peters not been sent off for a very
deliberate last man professional foul and 4) no Penalty/free kick being given
against Vertonghen for kicking Sims in the head. So, a big six biased referee
for the second week in a row – yes, will anything be done about it by the FA –
no. Well played Kevin – Shame that you lost. 
The more I look at it, the more the Sissoko decision in particular is
appalling.  He was going to book him for
raking Redmond’s achilles as the card was already out.  He then was looking straight at the head-butt
and did nothing.  He surely can’t have
seen it then as all he handed out was the original yellow card.  Retrospective action then?  Nope. 
The FA will hide behind the bullshit “The referee has dealt with it”
clause.