There was also a remarkable newspaper piece about Cedric which his
representatives must have written themselves. It basically stated that he was
brilliant (when he’s bang average at best) and that Saints couldn’t afford to
let him and Virgil Van Dijk go at the same time (as if he was in any way
relevant in that) and that he had an amazingly successful loan spell at Inter
(4 games in 4 months and they didn’t want him) and that he’s a great crosser if
the ball (if you forget about the 9 out of 10 crosses that go to fucking no one
or straight to a defender). Also apparently, he is leaving at the end of the
season no matter what. Good fucking riddance you Harry Styles wannabe boy band
tight shirted dick head. Fuck off. How on earth have the club allowed him to
give this interview and basically talk absolute fucking bollocks about himself
in an attempt to put himself in the shop window.? Me, me, me, me, me. Fuck off.

After a traffic nightmare around Mount Pleasant train gates, I get to the
ground two minutes before kick-off and take ownership of my free scarf, I
assume given as some sort of consolation prize for watching us lose 9-0 the
other week. The sight of this shit actually puts me in a bad mood before the
game kicks off. Ralph has clearly been at Whiskey George’s stash again and playing
with his tombola again as the 11 names don’t form any discernible team no
matter how hard you try. Fucking Cedric has been picked, despite being a
fucking wanker. My best guess is …. It looks like Djenepo is playing at
left-wing back because Hojbjerg is not even in the 18, presumably injured. The
players line up and what the fuck? Armstrong is at right-wing back (where he
has presumably never played in his life) with Harry fucking Styles on the left.
JWP is captain for the day and he’s in the middle with Oriol and upfront we
have Ings, supported by Redmond and Djenepo. Bits of this line-up look
promising but other bits look tragic.

So, with a fast start needed, four minutes, 1-0 down. Everton win a corner and
when it comes from our left, a flick on and there is Tom Davies all on his own
at the back post to nod it past McCarthy for the simplest fucking goal you
could ever score in your life.

Having had all the confidence knocked out of us after four minutes, we then
proceed to play walking football for the next 41 with a ball being passed about
amongst our defenders, allowing Everton to get 11 players behind the ball and
eventually either Stephens or Vestergaard had to attempt a ridiculous pass to a
static player who invariably lost the ball. I don’t blame the defenders at all
for this as both of them were clearly gesticulating to the players further up
the pitch to actually fucking move. Djenepo showed the odd flash by drifting
past a player but he was restricted by having that complete wanker Cedric playing
behind him who was offering absolutely nothing either going forward or
defensively. On the other side, Stuart Armstrong was trying his best and making
a fairly good fist of playing at right back but there was no one to pass to further
forward so it just became a case of when we would lose the ball.

Everton didn’t really do much for the rest of the half but they didn’t have to.
Tosun put a relatively simple header over the bar and Davies tried to cross
from the right wing which nearly caught McCarthy out, forcing him to backpedal
and shove it over the bar. They look totally comfortable defensively and if
they had needed to score a second they probably could’ve gone out through the
gears and done so relatively easily. Theo Walcott displayed his entire career
in a couple of seconds by bursting through two players with a superb turn of
pace and then shanking the ball into row Z when he was trying to cross it. The
only thing that would’ve summed him up better would’ve been if he’d collapsed
in a heap on the ground after the said shank and had to go off injured.

Half-time and the fans let the players know what they thought of that horrible
pile of shit that I have just witnessed. Something had to change and it did
with the absolutely fucking horrendous Cedric being hauled off and Boufal
coming on. This meant another spin of the left back tombola with Djenepo
getting the job. The effect of having Boufal on the pitch was instant though.

First off we won a free-kick on the left hand side of the penalty area, JWP
rolled it to Boufal on the edge of the box and he had a shot, on target and
Pickford had to save it. It was simple enough and straight at him but it was a
shot and it was on target and it sparked the fans into life with chants of
“we’ve had a shot“.  Suddenly on the pitch,
we have a player who wants the ball.

The next time we attack, it is Djenepo’s turn to take on Schneiderlin in the
right back position and win a corner. JWP’s corner is clear now as far as Boufal
on our right hand side and he is faced with Schneiderlin again. Boufal absolutely pisses past him at least as if he wasn’t there, knocks across the
goal and there is Danny Ings to bundle it into the net from very close range.

So we’ve just equalised and we’re on the front foot but then some horrific
defending by Bednarek presents Everton with another chance and Sigurdsson, who
has not yet scored his traditional goal against us, forces McCarthy to turn his
rising drive over the bar.  There was a
hilarious bit of defending by Armstrong when he allowed a long throw from
the left hand side to bounce in front of him and over his head and Holgate, who couldn’t have been expecting it, flicked his header over the bar.

We should have a penalty after that as Mina diverted his run to totally take
out Djenepo whilst he was pretending to shield the ball. Anywhere else on the
pitch then that’s a free-kick but not in the penalty area of course. Djenepo won
another free-kick on the left hand side this time as Sidibe just takes him out
and JWP whips it in the near top corner as usual but Pickford is alive to it
and save is it relatively comfortably.

So on 75 minutes we are looking like we might nick it but then the most
predictable thing ever as Iwobi put Sidibe away on the right hand side, behind
Djenepo who has lost his positioning and his cross to the back post fines
Richarlison in acres of space, not tracked by anybody and he just volleys it
first time into the net. Bednarek is looking at Armstrong and Armstrong is
looking around with the “I don’t know how the fuck to play at right wingback“
look on his face.

The final few minutes tick by with fuck all happening at the end of the pitch
where it needs to happen and the final whistle goes and Everton have deservedly
won. They weren’t much better than us but better than us they certainly were.
More organised and more positive and more in control and sure of what they were
supposed to be doing.

The first half was absolute wank.  Everton must have been expecting us to come
flying out but conceding after three minutes with our usual set piece zonal
marking bollocks, set the tone and from an attacking point of view (you know,
actually trying to get the goal that we fucking needed), the rest of the first
half was a joke. I would call it walking football but I’ve seen walking
football played at a faster pace then we played at. There were many times when
Stephens or Vestergaard had the ball and there was absolutely nothing moving in
front of them. Everyone marked, everyone just walking about, no one looking to
lose a marker or break into space. What the fuck have these guys been coached
during the week? No one is even playing on the half turn, all just facing the
guy with the ball. Eventually the central defenders have to try and pass the
ball forward to a guy who immediately gets dispossessed because he’s got a
player up his arse, sometimes two players up his arse and no one is moving off
him so the first time layoff is out of the question. It is absolutely bollocks.

It has reached the stage now where Ralph has to go back to basics and accept
that the majority of these players are not capable of playing out of position
and they are not capable of switching things around during a game. Pick a best
11 and stick to it as much as possible. It will probably not be good enough but
at least the players will know exactly what they should be doing. Me
personally, after what I have witnessed this season, I would go with Bertrand
and Valery as the fullbacks, Stephens and either Danso or Bednarek at centre
back. Hojbjerg and either Romeu or JWP in midfield, with Djenepo, Boufal and
Redmond playing behind Ings. A lot of these players have major flaws in their
game but they are what we have got.

I’m a big advocate of doing something different when things are going wrong but
Ralph tries to do something different and odd every single game and I’m sure
the players are sat in the changing room now, wondering what batshit mental
approach he’s going to come up with next. He will be losing the players. When
he read the team out for today, I guarantee that some of the others would have
been shooting glances at Armstrong when he found out he was gonna be playing at
right back and laughing to themselves. Just keep it simple. Full-back is a
specialist position and you cannot think that just anyone can play there, be
they a winger or an attacking midfield player. This is certainly the case with
us with our centre backs being not the best.  Look at the second goal – Djenepo caught out
by Iwobi’s pass to Sidibe and Armstrong losing his man on the other side.  Ralph is beginning to lose the fans now as
well because up till now, most have been prepared to blame the shit players but
with every mental team selection that goes by, more and more will be pointing
the finger at the manager and you can’t really blame them.

Ralph will be hoping that the club find some money to buy some players in
January but the way things are going, Ralph won’t be here in January and we
will be so far behind anyway, that the club will be preparing financially for the
Championship.

Everton aren’t even that good but they were fucking miles better than us. It’s
amazing how good a team can look when they’re playing against a team who
decides to play walking football for 45 minutes. They looked more like a team
and they totally deserved their win. They won’t be going down but we will. As
it stands, it will be us and Norwich fighting out the last place and one other
who will go down. Mr Gao will soon enough realise that if you buy something and
then don’t actually invest, The thing that you have bought will eventually
grind to a halt or start going backwards and eventually, be worth a hell of a
lot less money than you paid for it.,

As I write I’ve just watched Leicester dismantle Arsenal by 2-0. It was a
really enjoyable game, watching the alleged big club getting battered by the
smaller one. Leicester are the perfect example of a club of similar size to us,
who at the moment are working with a perfect balance. They have balance on the
pitch and off the pitch they are perfectly set up with a manager who is decent,
knows his best team and players strengths and who has the full backing of the
board who are not afraid to put their hands in their pockets. We on the other
hand, are completely fucked from top to bottom.