Euro 2020, in 2021. Here
we go.



Maybe it’s the elongated Premier League season or maybe it’s
a bit of disenchantment with the England team but I have to say that I’m not
looking forward to the Euros very much. Gareth Southgate killed my mood a
little bit with the squad announcement and the media seem to be giving him a
free pass at the moment, saying that his job should be safe regardless of how
well England do. For me, with it being virtually a home tournament and all the
players that we have that are with Champions League clubs or are incredibly
highly rated, I see anything less than a semi-final place as an abject failure.
There should be no excuses. What am I expecting from England? Same as
always – knocked out by the first decent team we play.


It was only when I looked at the fixture planner on the
Thursday before the tournament that I remembered that there were 24 teams and
not 16 or 32, which means four third-place teams in every group will get
through, meaning basically, you only have to win one game to make the last 16,
which was what Northern Ireland did last time around. This is arse. Usually
when you see a “group of death”, there are three good teams in it and you know
that one of them is going out but the group containing France, Germany and
Portugal is not necessarily going to produce a big casualty. 16 teams
(like 2012) means a higher quality tournament and you having to perform well in
a couple of group games to go through.  The
Euros should be 16 teams, the World Cup should be 32.


The tournament is being shown on BBC and ITV which will make
a nice change from Sky and BT. Some of the pundits are the same of course but
It’s amusing to cancel your Sky subscription and then see that they have got
the likes of Olly Murs doing punditry on football. Hilarious.  That’d be like paying £35 a month to read
this.


With three home nations qualified, it’s been interesting to
see the usual narrative of Scotland and Wales hating the English but the
English are supposed to want Scotland and Wales to do well. Fuck that. Because
of the Southampton representation I’m not as anti-Scots as I have been in the
past but the Welsh can fucking do one. Never forget the celebration video when
England got knocked out by Iceland in 2016. Possibly the most disrespectful
tinpot thing I’ve ever seen from an international team. Oh yes, no one seems to
mention their manager much these days, seeing that he’s up on charges of
physically assaulting two women and coercive behaviour.  I wonder if dear old Giggsy will get a
mention during their games.

Day 1 – Friday 11th June

Time for the Euros to start and a decent opening game with
Italy playing Turkey. Italy are traditionally of course, one of the big
European nations but having not qualified for the last World Cup, this is the
dawn of the new Italy, they hope. Turkey are many peoples tips to be a dark
horse for the tournament. Can’t see it myself but you never know. In the event,
Roberto Mancini’s Italy battered them from first to last but had to wait to the
second half before they scored and once they did the second and third came
pretty soon after and it has to go down as a very easy win. The main memory
from this game won’t be the own goal or the goals from Immobile and Insigne but
the arrival of the ball at the centre circle courtesy of a little
remote-controlled fucking car. Dear oh Lord.




Day 2 – Saturday 12th June

Robbie Savage Has Always Been Popular

Wales and Switzerland is one of those games that you know is
going to be pretty dull but you watch it anyway because you just want to get
into the tournament. First half was true to form and 0-0 with Switzerland
having all the possession but Wales having a couple of decent chances, mainly instigated
through Dan James on the wing. Switzerland took the lead at start the second
half with a header through the former wonder-boy Embolo but then inexplicably
sat back and allowed Wales to grow into the game and they eventually equalised
after a cross and a header by the lighthouse that is Keiffer Moore. He is 6
foot 5 of averageness but it was a very good header. There was a relatively
tight VAR call on a second Swiss goal which was correctly ruled out but the
main feature of the game was the co-commentary and I use the term lightly, of
Robbie Savage who has cemented his title as “The Pricks Prick” straight away.
He’s like that clueless fan who sits behind you at football matches talking
absolute bollocks and you spend the whole game wondering whether you can ignore
it for 90 minutes or are you in fact going to turn round and tell him to shut
the fuck up. The last 20 minutes of the game was a definite advert for the fact
that the 24 team format with four third-place teams going through, promotes ccnservative,
boring, settling-for-a-draw football. If just the top two went through from
this group then both teams would’ve been going for it in the last 20 instead of
just boring the shite out of us. More does not necessarily mean better. More
jeopardy however, does mean better.



Denmark against Finland from Copenhagen is up next and we get
served with a reminder the football doesn’t really matter as Christian Eriksen
collapsed to the ground with no one near him. A medical emergency was called
and within five minutes the game was suspended and then abandoned (or so we
thought). The TV footage which was allowed to keep running with horrendous
close ups of his face and obvious images of CPR being performed. We saw visibly
upset Denmark players trying to keep the cameras off and the players wife come
down on the pitch. It was absolutely horrendous and whoever was directing the
live TV pictures needs to have a long hard look at themselves.



I assumed that the game has been abandoned but no and an hour
and a half later the teams are back out to play the last five minutes of the
first half before a quick half-time and then the second half. I took that as
meaning the Eriksen was making good progress because there is no way they
would’ve restarted the game if he had been in really serious trouble. Anyway, in a
somewhat subdued atmosphere the game went on, Denmark had to substitute some players as they weren’t in a fit state to play and Finland won with their only
effort on target as Kasper Schmeichel made a bit of a bollocks of a header that
was straight at him.  Denmark were
awarded a soft penalty to have a chance to equalise but Hojbjerg passed it
straight to the keeper. I doubt either Pierre or Kasper will care too much.  After the game it transpired
that Denmark had been told to finish the game either today or tomorrow. That
shouldn’t surprise anyone that UEFA publicly said all the right things but it
turns out that behind the scenes, it was just about sticking to the schedule
primarily.  The real heroes were Danish skipper Simon Kjaer, referee Anthony Taylor and of course, the paramedics.


Meanwhile, in Russia in St Petersburg, Belgium took on Russia
and absolutely battered them. Romelu Lukaku scored twice and Thomas Meunier
once as the Belgians cantered to a 3-0 win. Russia didn’t seem to have as much
juice in them as they did in the 2018 World Cup when they were the hardest
running team in the tournament. I imagine that someone somewhere will be asking
questions because that’s really odd. 
Someone really needs to put their finger on why that’s happened.

Day 3 – Sunday 13th June

Kalvin Phillips Out On His Own

England started their campaign at Wembley against Croatia and
I’m still not feeling it. Every TV channel is trying to big it up before the
game but I’m struggling with it. I can’t get too enthusiastic about England
these days and an hour before the kick-off, Gareth Southgate left us all
wondering what the fuck was going on. The 26 man squad included a left back who
won the Champions League and a left back who was in the Premier League team of
the season and yet Southgate picks a right back at left back in Kieran
Trippier. The rest of the team was predictable and it wasn’t what most people
were looking for. Raheem Sterling got picked ahead of Jack Grealish and Kalvin
Phillips partnered Declan Rice in midfield or so we thought. Despite being an
absolute liability in the two warm-up games, Tyrone Mings was chosen to partner
John Stones in the absence of the nowhere near fit Harry Maguire. Into three
years since the World Cup, Croatia have a look of a team that has gone over the
top. Modrić is now 35 and two of their main big players, Mandzukic and Rakitić
have both retired from international football. I’m not sure if Dejan Lovren has
retired from international football but he’s not in the side but I think the
reason for that, is that he is shit.



England were really electric in the first 20 minutes and
Foden went close, curling a shot onto the post but the last 25 minutes of the
first half was dreadful as England just went sideways and didn’t string enough
passes together to get Harry Kane in the game and he of course, dropped deeper
and deeper, meaning that we had no one to pass the ball out to. Trippier was
doing okay at left back, apart from the time he turned down the first time
cross into the box because it was on his wrong foot. To be honest we could’ve
done with Trippier over the other side because Kyle Walker was doing an
impression of someone who had never played football before, randomly passing
the ball straight out of play.



The BBC pundits have obviously been told to be sunny and
positive because at half time, everyone was talking about how well we were
playing at conveniently missing out the last 25 minutes. The second half started with England showing slightly more,
in particular Kalvin Phillips who was by far our best player and he found time
to drive forward from midfield and play a lovely ball into the path of
Sterling, which he dispatched into the net first time to give us a lead that we
never ever looked like surrendering as Croatia had very, very little in terms
of goal threat.



A good start a tournament for England and a win against
allegedly the strongest opponent in the group. Personally, I’d be surprised if
Scotland’s didn’t put up a better display than Croatia did. It definitely looks
like one tournament too far for this golden generation of Croatia players. The
unexpected bonuses for England were the performances of Kalvin Phillips and Tyrone
Mings, ironically, the two fit players chosen to replace the injured managers
pets Henderson and Maguire. I’m reading everywhere that Sterling had a great
game. No he didn’t. He took the goal well because he had to take it first time
and didn’t have time to think. The problem with Sterling always comes when he
has a bit of time and he has a decision to make. I would say cautious optimism
going forward from that England display but it seems like everyone is going to
go overboard straight away.



Austria and North Macedonia was up next which was a game that
didn’t promise much but in the end it was quite entertaining. Austria took the
lead with a brilliant cross and volley before a hilarious calamity in the
Austrian defence involving two defenders and the goalkeeper pissing around,
running into each other and crawling around the ground, enabled Georgi Pandev,
who is nearing his forties to score what will probably turn out to be the
highlight of the North Macedonians tournament. They were hanging onto the point
until deep into the second half when their vulnerability toa crossed ball was
exposed again before Arnautovic made it 3-1 in the last minute. He has this
angry attitude about him. He’s a bit like a pound shop Zlatan but as far as I
know, Zlatan has never allegedly let go a racist tirade against Albanians when
he has scored a goal. Arnautovic will no doubt be investigated. Innocent until
proven guilty of course but as it’s him, you wouldn’t exactly be surprised,
would you? Can multiple previous offences of being an arsehole, be taken into
consideration?



In the evening we were off to Amsterdam to watch the Dutch
take on Ukraine. The Dutch dominated the game in the first half but it took
until the second half Wijnaldum goal to give them the lead. After that, 6 foot 6
unit Weghorst put them 2-0 up and that look like that was going to be that
until Ukraine did a madness for three minutes and scored two really good goals.
First up, the Dutch defence allowed Yarmolenko to cut in from the right on his
left foot and that always ends well as he bent into the top corner and two
minutes later, a powerful header from a set piece had Frank de Boer pondering
his life choices on the side line. In the end, the Dutch were bailed out as
Nathan Ake swang a cross into the back post and Denzel Dumfries, took time off
from missing ridiculously easy chances to power a header in at the back post.
He was helped by the fact that the keeper had an absolute shocker and that
Manchester City’s Zinchenko, didn’t jump with him.



A very entertaining game where no one really seemed to bother
about midfield and it was just wave after wave of attacks from both teams.
You’re not gonna win the tournament playing like that but you’ll be very
entertaining on the way.

Day 4 – Monday 14th June

Scottish Goalkeepers Meme Launching Society

Oh flower of Scotland, 23 years in the making, in a must win
game, still fucking shite. Absolute pish, as they say north of the border. In
truth, the Scotland team is a bit more likeable than usual but fucking hell
they were terrible. A comfortable 2-0 defeat to the Czech Republic who only
needed two on-target efforts on goal to win the game. In truth, it was two
excellent goals by their forward Schick, guiding in a superb header at the end
of the first half and then scoring a ridiculous goal from just inside the
Scotland half just after half-time. Scotland goalkeeper David Marshall was the
hero not so long ago when he saved a penalty in the play-offs to get them to
this tournament… but what on earth he was doing 5 yards from the halfway line
when Scotland gave the ball away is absolutely anyone’s guess. One thing I’ve
noticed with the pundits on the UK teams is that none of them call shite what
it is. That was a monumentally is shite bit of goalkeeping but no one called it
at the time.

Che Adams was left out
in favour of Lyndon Dykes who plays for QPR and doesn’t score any goals in the Championship.
Surprise surprise, he didn’t score any goals today and Adams looked miles
better when he came on. Stuart Armstrong had a decent game in midfield which
was largely bypassed by Scotland launching it forward. Armstrong was sacrificed
with 20 minutes to go because Steve Clarke thought Ryan Fraser might actually
add something to the Scottish attacking effort. Surprise surprise, the wee
shite who refused to play for his club once upon a time, couldn’t have produced
less if he refused to go on as a substitute. I’m sure that the Scots will play
a lot better on Friday against England but if we can’t beat them, then it’s a
really really bad day.

Next game up was Poland against Slovakia. Poland are always
horrifically shite when they get to the final stages of a tournament, rivalled
only by Scotland I would imagine. Predictably, though favourites, the Poles
slipped to a 2-1 defeat, helped by Grzegorz Krychowiak getting himself sent off
with 40 minutes still to go. Jan Bednarek was in the Poland defence but it’s
already looking very unlikely he will make it to the second phase given that
Spain and Sweden are the other two teams in the group.

What can you say about Sweden. They qualify for every single
tournament and in every tournament they bring a blaze of colour to the
proceedings and absolutely fuck all else. 10 men behind the ball for the entire
game, relying on they’re one creative player, Isak, to do something magical
which he did on a couple of occasions but unfortunately he passed the ball to
his strike partner Berg, who produced one of the worst misses that you could
possibly imagine, scooping an open goal over the bar from 5 yards. Spain huffed
and puffed and passed it around endlessly but they still have Morata as their
main striker and he is unsurprisingly, still shite. Unless Moreno or Morata can
score a few goals, they’ll be getting out of the group but not much else.

Day 5 – Tuesday 15th June

The Game Lasts 90 Minutes, and at the end, The Germans…. 

The Group of Death started today which I’ve only just
realised is made more interesting by the fact that Hungary are playing two
games at home including this one. Not only that, they are playing with the
stadiums at full capacity so I would imagine that’s going to be fairly mental
for an away team. Hang on, are we still calling at the Group of Death, given
what went on in the Denmark game? Oh yes, the mainstream media are still
calling it the Group of Death presumably because Christian Eriksen is going to
be ok. Fine. Carry on. Portugal of course are still led by bright shiny Ronaldo
who even at 36 still takes everything and berates his teammates like naughty
school children if they do anything remotely not to his liking. Consequently,
it was quite funny when he put a sitter over the bar having been given a goal
on a plate in the first half and as the game wore on, it looked like it might
prove costly. With 15 to go Hungary then had a goal disallowed for offside
which to be fair, was fucking miles offside and there is no reason why the
linesman could’ve stuck his flag up earlier but regardless, it seemed to spark
Portugal into life and they eventually ran away with a game with three goals in
the last 10 minutes. The first was a deflected shot from Gurrero, then came the
obligatory penalty which Ronaldo dispatched and then a brilliant flowing move
which ended with, yep you guessed it, Ronaldo scoring the third. A little bit
of Bruno Fernandes must die every time Ronaldo scores a goal, especially a
penalty.



The final match of the first round of games in the Group of
Death, featured Germany at home to France and it was a strange game in truth.
France always look the more likely to win and took the lead through a hilarious
own goal by Mats Hummels, before being content to sit and play on the break
which is an okay thing to do when you’ve got Kante winning the ball in midfield,
Pogba picking out forward runners and Mbappe, Benzema and Griezmann upfront.
They were only denied two goals by tight offside calls but still won
comfortably. Germany have got no strikers at all. Gnabry was shite and they
replaced him with Timo Werner, the German Shane Long who ran around, kicked the
ball aimlessly out of play and produced a number of dreadful touches. Havertz
did nothing, Leroy Sane did nothing. The only thing that was consistent was
Joachim Loew doing that scratch and sniff thing that he does so well. I gather
that the Covid regulations mean you have to wash your hands after you play with
your balls these days. Talking of hygiene, I can’t imagine anyone is going to
take too kindly to the pictures which pretty clearly showed Toni Rudiger biting
Paul Pogba‘s shoulder. Rudiger has some strange ideas about defending. It was
only just over a week or so ago that he nearly put Kevin De Bruyne out of the
tournament with a shoulder charge into his cheek.



So, the end of the first round of matches and if you had to
pick a favourite for the tournament you’d have to go with France, closely
followed by Italy. Let’s not get too excited about England yet because if they
win the group, which they surely should given the strength of the opposition we
are facing, we will be playing in all probability, one of France or Portugal in
the last 16.  That’ll be the first
decent team we play….