No One Wants to See Germans Crying 😂
Group E – Germany, Japan, Spain, Costa Rica
23/11/22
It’s that team in White, starting their campaign against Japan and will
surely be a comfortable enough win for the team that always turns up for
tournaments. Wrong, massively. Germany should’ve been out of sight in the first
half but all they had show for it was a Gundogan penalty, won courtesy of a
hilarious challenge by the Japanese goalkeeper who just dived into the back of
a player. The Germans seem pretty much in control until, like Argentina against
the Saudis, they were undone by two quickfire goals, the second one being a
brilliant bit of control of a long ball and smashing it high into the net from
a narrow angle. Absolutely marvellous stuff to see the Germans get beat.
It was compounded later as Spain annihilated Costa Rica 7-0. Spain looked good
but Costa Rica looked even worse than Iran so I would imagine they are going to
take hammerings in their last two games as well. This makes that particular
group really interesting because you’ve got to expect Japan to beat Costa Rica and
then Germany will play Spain knowing that unless they win, they are going home,
knocked out the tournament in two games.
That would be a real shame.
27/11/22
Japan had one job to
do. Japan just had to beat the team that have been beaten 7-0 in their first
game. If Japan can beat Costa Rica then Germany are absolutely fucked. Anyway, Japan didn’t win an even worse, they
actually contrived to lose to Costa Rica who had one shot all game which looped
over the Japanese goalkeeper who basically jumped downwards. It was horrific,
not just for Japan, but for everyone who wanted the Germans to go out with no
fuss.
So, with three teams on three points and Germany on nothing, Spain took on
Germany and what turned out to be a really entertaining game. Germany thought
they’d scored just before half-time through Antonio Rüdiger but much of the
amusement of everyone who isn’t German, it was disallowed for a tight offside. It all got slightly surreal in the second half
as Álvaro Morata came off the bench for the second game running and managed to
score. Germany’s substitute replied though with about seven minutes ago as Fullkrug
smashed in an unstoppable shot which means that Germany go into the last game
against Costa Rica, knowing that win will in all likelihood, put them through.
You had one job Japan… and you fucked it for everyone.
1/12/22
The final matches
were absolutely amazing. To start with, Germany took the lead against Costa
Rica and when Spain went to head against Japan, it must be assumed that Spain
and Germany were going to qualify. However, 10 minutes after half time and
Japan had scored twice and Costa Rica had equalised.
It got even more amazing when Costa Rica went
in front so as it stood at that particular time, Japan and Costa Rica were
going through and Spain and Germany were going out. It was too much to hope for
and in typical Germany fashion, they hit back to win 4-2 but it really didn’t
matter as long as the Japan and Spain score stayed the same. Spain were guilty of what they are often
guilty of – pass, pass, pass, pass, pass, no cutting edge. I do wonder if it crossed the mind of any
Spanish players that unless Germany had scored a further six goals, they were
through even with a defeat but fair play to them, they kept playing and kept
the Japanese honest.
that was hooked back in before it was bundled into the net, looked over the
line on first viewing and that’s what the linesman thought because he flagged
and the referee initially disallowed the goal. VAR had other ideas though and
despite no view being shown which proved that the ball wasn’t over the line,
the goal was given. This could be classed as ‘outrageous’ or dare I say it ‘corrupt’
but I go with ‘hilarious’ because it ultimately is what knocked the Germans
out.
As I said when they played Costa Rica, Japan had one job to do and that was to
put the Germans out. They did it, in the
most roundabout, difficult way possible but they did it and go on to face
Croatia in the last 16. Spain is reward for squeaking through is it going
against Morocco which won’t be easy for them.
Lovren Hits the Net, Lukaku Doesn’t
23/11/22
The opening game of group F was a piss boring draw between Morocco and
Croatia. Croatia are a team that are creaking and don’t seem to have any
forwards so struggled to break down a well organised Morocco defence. Perisic is still their best attacker, Modric
at 37 their best midfielder and in Dejan Lovren, they have a defender of sorts.
0-0 and instantly forgettable.
Belgium and Canada saw the Canadians absolutely run the game in the first half
but somehow go in 1-0 down as Michy Batshuayi actually kicked the ball in the
right direction for once following a long ball that the Canadian defence
obligingly missed. Belgium looked about as far away from being prospective
tournament winners as you could possibly be. They still have Vertonghen and Alderweireld
in defence and also Leander Dendoncker, who doesn’t even play there for his
club. Axel Witsel continues to be a mystifying player and you wonder what on
earth he actually does and they just looked very old and average and it’s sad
seeing Eden Hazard as he is now, wrecked by so many injuries. Alphonso Davies missed
a penalty for Canada and they should’ve had another one at the end of the first
half but didn’t get it, just before the goal. The second half was more even but
Canada ran out of legs and don’t seem to have a player who can stick a ball in
the net. With Belgium looking like it’s
one tournament too many and Croatia the same, this is definitely the ‘Group of
Life’.
27/11/22
Belgium took on Morocco, clearly hoping that the luck that was with them
like it was when they beat Canada… and it wasn’t. They actually didn’t have anything to thank
luck for but Morocco won 2-0 and totally deserved to do so as the fraud Roberto
Martinez got found out again by team that had more legs, more organisation and
wanted to win more than the Red Devil’s Golden Generation. Honestly, the
average Belgian is going to look back at this era of their national team when
they are in the international wilderness in a few years and be like we are with
England’s Golden Generation. How the
fuck didn’t we win anything with those players? Belgium’s answer will be
Roberto Martinez in the same way that ours is Sven the Charlatan.
There is a theme developing in this World Cup that if you get in the faces of
the alleged best teams and make it difficult for them, they can’t handle it.
Morocco didn’t give Belgium a second and totally deserved the win. Canada must have been hoping for the same
against Croatia but there was no shock, despite Canada taking the lead after
two minutes through a superb Alphonso Davies header. Croatia didn’t panic and
eventually run out easy 4-1 winners with ex-Leicester City flop Andrej Kramaric
bagging a couple of goals. Belgium basically have to get something out of their
game against Croatia or they are going home and about eight of their over 30s
are heading into international retirement, along with Roberto Martinez.
All of the interest in the last round of games centred around the battle of
the teams who were too old and therefore playing one tournament together too
many. Croatia against Belgium was going on whilst Morocco were easily disposing
of Canada 2-1 in the other game.
The game between the European Hasbeens was diabolical in the first half before
coming to life with the second half and being slightly less diabolical. Croatia
had a better approach play but Belgium created all the chances with second-half
substitute Romelu Lukaku being guilty of about four glaring misses. I ended up
feeling a bit sorry for him at the end but not for Roberto Martinez who has
always been a fraud and like I said before, Belgium are going to so regret
trusting him with their best generation of players. 0-0 it finished, so Croatia
went through in second place behind group winners Morocco.
Massive Arsehole Scores Ridiculously Good Goal
Switzerland. What’s the point? I mean seriously. Always
qualify, always dull. The opening game against Cameroon was his dull as you’d
expect until late Embolo goal, won it for the Swiss. Cameroon are similar to
the Swiss in that they always seem to qualify but then do very very
little. Both the Swiss and the
Cameroonians will be competing in a mini-league with Serbia to see who qualifies
behind Brazil, who will more than likely win every game.
The Serbs were the first to face Brazil and gave it a good go in the first half
before being beaten by two Richarlison goals in the second half. Richarlison is
of course a massive arsehole but the quality of his second goal was superb as
he flicked it up for himself before scissor kicking it into the net from the
edge of the box. That has to be
applauded, even though he’s an arsehole. Did I mention that he’s an arsehole? Another arsehole, Neymar did very little and
got substituted and Brazil looked a better side without him. They have a
ridiculous array of attacking talent when you consider that Rodrygo, Anthony
and Gabriel Jesus were all on the bench.
A bit like England really but Brazil’s manager will use them.
Serbia and Cameroon played out a very entertaining 3-3 draw with Serbia racing
into a 3-1 lead before Cameroon hit back. Cameroon’s second goal is an
outrageous scooped lob by Aboubakar (like that famous one Karel Poborsky
scored) whilst everyone stopped waiting for it to be called offside. It was a
ridiculously brilliant goal but his celebration was muted until after VAR
confirmed he was onside. So, a point each in the mini league to finish second
behind Brazil.
What’s the point of Switzerland? They turned up against Brazil and they tried
to keep it tight and manage to do so but it was somewhat inevitable that Brazil
would eventually score and the only surprise is that it came from Casemiro, who
found himself in the Switzerland penalty area and smashed in a brilliant goal with
a first time lash.
Second place behind Brazil will go to whoever wins the Serbia against
Switzerland game in the final games. That
will have a bit of politics in it as well because Serbia have been dickheads as
usual having an ‘Kosovo is Serbian’ flag seen in their changing room and
Switzerland have Shaqiri and Xhaka, two ethnic Albanians, so all sorts of fun
predicted in the last game. At least there will be a point to Switzerland in this
game and I would imagine they will take second place in the group as Brazil
will surely dispatch Cameroon.
With the Brazil and
Cameroon game not having much riding on it, all the tension was on the Serbia
against Switzerland game which was probably going to kick off at some point for
political reasons. Anyhow, whilst the Brazil game was 0-0, Switzerland took the
lead through little fat Xherdan Shaqiri before Serbia hit back through a Mitrovic
header and a good finish by Vlahovic and took the lead to put themselves in a
qualifying position. Back came the
Swiss however through Embolo and Freuler to lead 3–2. I have pondered in this
World Cup what the point of Switzerland is and the point of Switzerland is to
piss off Serbia and it all got very fractious in the last few minutes with
Granit Xhaka in the centre of it as usual. With Serbia needing two goals, the
game was up really on the news that Cameroon had nicked a last minute winner
against Brazil reserves didn’t really change anything much. Brazil will play
South Korea in the next round whereas Switzerland will take on Portugal. I have
a feeling that Switzerland are the sort of team that Portugal will not enjoy
playing against.
Ghana lost, but Somehow Won in a Way
24/11/22
Group H started with a very dull goalless draw between Uruguay and South Korea.
Uruguay look good on paper with a good blend of experienced and younger players
but it never really happened against South Korea who probably, if anyone,
should’ve won it. Not a lot to say about either team on that showing to be
honest
Portugal are the team to dislike above all others at the moment. So many
petulant arseholes in one squad. Diving around all over the fucking place and
just generally being whining bastards. Oh and they have Ronaldo and he’s 37 and
he can’t do what he used to do so now he is restricted solely to diving and he
dived to good effect to win a penalty as Mohammed Salisu stuck his foot in
rather daftly and gave him the chance to go over. I really hoped that when VAR
was introduced that it would sort out this kind of shit but because of the “is
it a clear and obvious error“, there’s always enough leeway to mean that the
diving bastard gets away with it. Of course, he fucking scored. Back came Ghana
though with an equaliser from Andre Ayew and it looked like we are up for
storming end to the game until Portugal scored twice in five minutes. Whilst we
all thought the game was done at that point, Ghana got another one back and
then came in amazing incident last minute with the Portuguese keeper didn’t check
behind him and didn’t notice that Iñaki Williams was loitering. He rolled the ball out before the Williams
nicked it off him and then slipped as he went to shoot. What a shame that was.
Would’ve been absolutely fucking hilarious but as it was, the diving cheating
petulant bastards got three points.
28/11/22
Ghana were first in action in the second round of matches, in a game they
really had to win against South Korea and it looked like plain sailing for the West
Africans with the mighty Southampton centre back Mohammed Salisu, scoring a
slightly controversial opener. It was controversial because the pass to him him
was basically thrown to him by Andre Ayew but cheers, Son’s crying. Anyway, there was nothing controversial about
the second Ghanaian goal by Mohammed Kudus. As with the previous game against
Portugal, just when you think Ghana have got control of things, it completely
went to shit and two headed goals by Cho, brought South Korea level only for
Ghana to virtually go straight back up the other end and score again through Kudus
with the assist being provided by a fantastic air shot by Inaki Williams which
basically took out about four defenders.
Portugal against Uruguay was always going to be a dirge and the only surprise
was that it wasn’t the game with the most extra time added in the tournament,
given the theatrical and petulant nature of both of these teams. It looks like No
Club Ronaldo had opened the scoring as he wheeled away celebrating that he was
the greatest thing since sliced bread – but a quick replay showed that he had
not actually touched Bruno Fernandes in-swinging cross so the player still at
Manchester United got given the goal. Both No-Club Ronnie and Piers Morgan were
furious. Bruno followed it up after
another absolutely shambles of a VAR decision for handball gifted them a
penalty. With No-Club Ronnie off the pitch, no doubt still waving his arms
around about not being able to claim the goalie didn’t touch, Fernandes scored
a penalty to give Portugal two wins out of two.
This group is of course all about who come second behind Portugal and you have
to say that in Ghana are the favourites right now.
2/12/22
Ghana took on Uruguay and Portugal played South Korea in the last round of
games. Portugal were already through and
any of the other three could still have made it but at the start of the game
you would’ve said that the winners of the Ghana v Uruguay match would be
favourites.
Portugal took an early lead in their game and Ghana had a glorious opportunity
to do the same in theirs when the impressive Mohammed Kudus was carted over by
the Uruguay goalkeeper. Up stepped Andre
Ayew to try and banish the memories of Asamoah Gyan in 2010 and he completely
fucked it with a piss weak penalty that was easily saved. 10 minutes later and
Uruguay, ironically inspired by the arch shithouse Luis Suárez, went two goals
in front with two goals scored by de Arrascaeta. Just as half-time was approaching, No-club
Ronnie provided an assist for South Korea in his own penalty area so now it was
all looking very interesting but as it stood, Uruguay were going through.
The second half of the Ghana game was simmering along with Ghana needing a
point to go through and Uruguay thinking that they had done enough, so much so
that they took off Suarez, Nunez and de Arrascaeta , probably to save them for
the next round. Oh dear – they reckoned
without South Korea taking the lead through Chan, which meant that South Korea
were ahead of them on goals scored. Portugal didn’t really give a shit about
losing and that game was finished whilst there was still seven minutes of the
Ghana v Uruguay game to go with both teams going for it whilst Luis Suárez
cried on the bench. With one minute left to go, Edinson Cavani basically threw
himself in front of a Ghana player and initiated contact and then cried like a
bitch when he didn’t get the penalty. At full time they have gone mental all
around the referee and he was forced to run off the pitch. What a bunch of
wankers. Go home. Good riddance.
It was a shame for Ghana to go out but I’m sure they will have taken some
consolation from the fact that they took some revenge for 2010 and played a big
part in Uruguay getting knocked out and had Luis Suárez crying at what was no
doubt the end of his World Cup career.
League 1 Minus 10 
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