Saints players laughing about the sheer audacity of someone having a dig from long range.

When the draw was made but the second round of the Carabao Cup and Saints came out with an away game at Norwich, the reaction of everyone connected with Southampton Football Club was probably the same, “fuuuuuuuuuuuck“. Norwich away on a Tuesday night is a long way to go for a game that nobody really wants.

When we were in the Premier League back in the day, I used to think every single cup game was a matter of life and death as it was our only chance to win a trophy but when you’re in the situation that we are in, having been relegated to the Championship, it’s no longer the case. This game is an inconvenience because we have no chance of winning this competition and it really is not what this season is about. All of our rivals at the top end of the Championship who have been knocked out, will not be giving a shit that they haven’t got a midweek game this week.

The way I see it is that we can use this game to try out a change in formation to something that involves having a back four. We should see a full debut for Mads Roerslev and it should be a fairly strong side we put out in order to try and find some combinations that get us looking like a more coherent team and maybe some attacking combinations that work. That said though, with probably only one training session between Saturday’s disappointing defeat against Stoke and this game, it wouldn;t surprise me if we are unchanged in the way we set up.

Norwich are in their first season without parachute payments and will be adjusting to that. Their new manager Liam Manning has bounced around the Championship for a few years now, never staying very long in one place and Norwich have had a ropey start in the league with three points so far, from a visit to Fratton Park. They’ve played two games at home in the league and lost both. Their main player is Josh Sergeant who is a widely expected to leave by the end of the week and so I’d say it’s about as likely we’ll see him as it is of us seeing ABK being given the captains armband for a final triumphant farewell appearance against Norwich. I wonder if he would get a heroes welcome this time.

A lot has been said about the final week of the transfer window and what we need to do, I would say that we desperately need to bring in at least one winger and probably a number 10-both of whom need to in an ideal world, to possess a goal threat and some creativity. Sam Edozie is still around and has yet to complete a move so I am beginning to wonder if we are holding back on him leaving in case we can’t bring anyone in for whatever reason. Also still around is Ben Brereton Diaz. There were some hilarious agent driven articles a few weeks ago to say that a few Championship clubs were “competing for his signature”. I very much doubt that and am feeling that he will still be with us until January at least.

We will also need to bring in a central midfield player or two if Mateus Fernandes leaves and the expected departures of Will Smallbone and Joe Aribo are rubberstamped. Depending on midfield numbers, we could also see Kuryu Matsuki leave on loan somewhere. Surely they can’t all leave without replacements coming in.

It looks like Joachim Kayi Sanda is going to leave on loan and amongst the fullbacks, will Wellington‘s injury mean that Charlie Taylor is less likely to leave? It does look like Yuki Sugawara will depart with the arrival of Mads Roerslev (Update: loaned to Werder Bremen for a year) and if that happens (it did) then we can just say “we tried, you had a go, you were a nice lad, but you were ultimately a bit shit”.

Keeper the numbers were boosted, if that’s the right word, with the loan arrival of George Long from Norwich. It’s been corrected since but when I had a look at his Wikipedia page, his middle name was Hologram and he was also described as a blind goalkeeper. I’m guessing that was a Norwich fan who doesn’t have the most faith in his ability.  This is most definitely a Joe Lumley replacement who has been brought in on very little money, simply to take part in warm-ups and to allow our third choice goalkeeper Dylan Moody, to play games at age group level rather than being an unused substitute for the first team.

Also, don’t rule out there being a surprise departure of a player who you thought would definitely be here. Maybe Taylor Harwood-Bellis or one of Adam Armstrong and Cameron Archer could move. Also of course, maybe we’ll hit the loan market.

Anyway, back to the “Who Gives a Shit Cup” and our team is mixed bag as you’d expect. DIsappointingly, it was still a back three with Edwards, Wood and Quarshie. Roerslev and Manning at wing back and due to lack of other options, Downes and Charles in midfield with Wee Man. Up front, Cameron Archer and Ross Stewart were given a chance. With a raised eyebrow I see that Mateus Fernandes is not even on the bench but there are places for Academy players Moses Sesay and Oscar Tabares, as well as the usual ones like Damion Downs, Charlie Taylor, BBD and Kuryu Matsuki.

Norwich have made a bunch of changes as well and as predicted, Josh Sargent is nowhere to be seen. On the pitch is Ross Stewart and he nearly gets gifted a goal straight away as the Norwich keeper Grimshaw takes too long over a clearance and it richochet’s off of Ross and goalwards but the keeper gets back and picks it up. Ross is out injured for six months… not this time

Saints are looking equally uncertain at the back but it’s not the goalkeeper int he main, it’s everyone else. Flynn Downes gives a sloppy, telegraphed ball away in midfield, which leads to a shot coming in, hitting Nathan Wood and flicking up onto thebar and over. Having got away with that one, we decide to give Norwich another moment as Edwards leaves a pass to McCarthy short, which Macca makes worse by taking a shit touch and then having to tackle the forward on the second touch. We settle down though… oh no we don’t as Schlupp gets a cross in from the right and Wood dives in with an attacker and slices it goalwards, with Macca having to change direction to claw it out.

There’s a brief moment of respite as Archer drops deep and does some good work to turn and go forward but then fucks up the pass to Stewart, which should have been easy. Stewart is the nearly man a few minutes later as Fraser once again shows that he’s the best crosser of a ball that we have, firing over one from the right which the diving Ross can’t quite reach.

Also diving is Ronnie Edwards, who falls over the ball in midfield, allowing Norwich to run clean through and this is the pick of Macca’s saves down low to his left. There is more carnage in our defence as in comes an absolutely ridiculous challenge from Nathan Wood on the edge of the box when the ball is bouncing through to Macca, so no danger until Woody decides to give away a free kick off the ball. Jurasek’s free kick needs to be tipped over. Woody is playing the man rather than the ball again as a lack of communication sees him clatter into Ronnie Edwards and come off worse, with a cut to add to his black eyes from Saturday.

A Saints attack breaks down when Flynn Downs tries another blind flick round the corner but Norwich overplay and a pass goes astray to Stewart who passes it into Archer’s feet, one touch before curling it left footed around the defender and into the top corner. Brilliant finish from one of our only decent players in this first half. We don’t deserve it but we will take it.

It should be game over straight after as Charles breaks down the left and is completely free and roll the ball across to Ross Stewart but its too far in front of him and Ross slides into the goalkeeper and miraculously doesn’t get injured as the ball goes out for a goal kick.

Half time and we’ve been shite to be honest but the one moment of quality in the game sees us lead.

Our defenders start the second half with more shambles as Josh Q gets booked for a stupid foul on the edge of the Norwich penalty area and then gives a corner away which is headed clear as far as Schlupp, who hammers it goalwards on the volley and McCarthy pulls off another good save. Macca’s on fire today.

On the hour mark Ryan Manning picks up the ball and curls the of ball behind the defence towards Ryan Fraser and is pleasantly surprised to see the centre back make a complete bollocks of it and the Wee Man runs through to finish easily. Good ball, good finish, game over.

Wee Man points out the height of a normal sized person

With that the Wee man departs to be replaced by Kuryu Matsuki and Ryan Manning so we get to see the spectacle of Charlie Taylor at left wing back. Norwich have packed in now and it’s all Saints with a neat 1-2 on the edge of the box between Charles and Archer see Charles go clean through against Grimshaw but he ends up too close to him and the effort is blocked away.

Will Still is clearly pretty confident in the outcome and changes the forwards, with Damion Downs coming on for Archer and it’s make-a-wish time with Ben Brereton Diaz coming on for Cam Archer. BBD starts by getting bundled off the ball by a 12-year-old and then chasing his touch out of play.

Matsuki has been bright since he came on and picks up the ball on the right hand side, turns away from a challenge and heads towards goal. He looks up and sees BBD in the middle so he decides against wasting the move and thinks “fuck it, not passing to him, I’ll have a shot” and he absolutely leathers it left footed and it’s past the flailing Grimshaw and into the top corner. What a fucking goal that is.

Flynn Downes day is done and he comes off to be replaced by Moses Sesay for what should be about the last ten minutes. Norwich are waiting for the whistle now so it’s only us who are looking like scoring. There’s a decent move down the right with BBD finding Roerslev and his cross into the middle is narrowly in front of Downs who doesn’t get in touch.

Downs then breaks away in the inside left channel and he’s very unselfishly and ill advisedly gives it to BBD on the right in front of goal but he cuts back past the last defender and never remotely looks like scoring and his piss weak effort is blocked. Clown.

Well that was a proper game of two halves. In the first half we were absolutely dreadful and could easily have been two or three goals behind before Cameron Archer scored a worldie. That goal completely changed the game and from that moment on we were pretty comfortable and Norwich barely threatened our goal apart from one shot early on in the second half. In the second half, we took over and our midfield got on the ball and most importantly, they stopped giving it away. It’s remarkable how much better you play when you pass it to your teammates a reasonable proportion of the time.

Archer arrows One Into the top corner

Many of the players had their best half of the season in that second half, but the caveat to any praise has to be that Norwich were pretty dreadful both in terms of ability and their basic fitness. They also of course had the desire to play Russell Martin suicide ball and that’s what led to our first goal where they played themselves back into trouble having cleared the initial danger but once Ross Stewart picked the ball up and found Cameron Archer, it was absolutely brilliant from Archer to take a touch and curl it round the defender and into the top corner. The goal that killed the game arrived on the hour mark with Ryan Manning attempting to play a ball behind the defenders and the last Norwich defender making a total bollocks of it, allowing Wee Man to nip in and score comfortably. The third goal was absolutely magnificent by Kuryu Matsuki, picking the ball up, driving at goal and just absolutely fucking leathering it from 25 yards. How refreshing to actually have a player willing to have a go from outside the box? Interestingly, he played off the right wing today so maybe that’s something in Will Still’s mind for his future role and in some ways it certainly makes sense because he won’t get caught in so much traffic out there where his small stature could be an issue.

Talking of physicality, what on earth were our central defenders doing in the first half. Yes, the midfielders were giving the ball away quite a lot, but all three of them had complete calamities at various stages of the half that were all their own making. Ronnie Edwards tripped over the ball when facing the wrong way and gifted a chance that Macca had to bail him out of. Nathan Wood was totally preoccupied with playing the man instead of the ball on all occasions and Joshua Quarshie was getting bodied and losing headers to a forward who is about 5 foot 7. What the fuck are they doing out there? The issues with playing a back three were painfully apparent on the two occasions where Edwards and Wood got each other’s way, going for the same ball and presenting chances to Norwich.

Flynn Downs and Shea Charles should really be able to control games but they haven’t done so as yet. The second half today showed what can be done if those two play with discipline and cut out the sloppy shit passing that has characterised both of their starts to the season.

Up front, Cameron Archer was easily our best player in the first half and was very lively. Gave the ball away a few times, but no one will care if he scored goals like that one. Ross Stewart worked hard without reward though he really should’ve been presented a goal on a plate by Charles, whose low cross was too far in front of him. Wee Man again popped up everywhere, put over a few decent crosses and he deserved his goal. The wing-backs were also pretty impressive with Roerslev looking like he’ll hold that position all season and both Ryan Manning and Charlie Taylor looking decent on the left.

We got to see what is hopefully a farewell appearance from Ben Brereton Diaz who did little but chase his own touch out of play and I’m really struggling at the moment to remember a worse player in my 50 years of attending matches. He’s certainly int he conversation I know that’s recency bias but if I go back, I’m thinking Lee Todd, Stig Johansen, Jermaine Wright… I’ll try and think of a few more.

So, at the end of the day a 3-0 win in any game is not to be sniffed that and we have to give a shit about the Carabao Cup for another round at least. It’ll be a shit draw away from home, probably against a Premier League side.

So anyway, Wednesday rolls round and Grimsby knock out Man United on penalties and now we go over to the live draw of the Carabao cup third round.  I have managed to obtain the official transcript of the commentary on the draw from UEFA HQ, which contains UEFA overlords and the Premier League and representatives of the EFL tied up in the basement.

UEFA and the Premier League Meet

“In one pot we have eight golden plated balls which represent the eight clubs that have qualified for Europe. We’ve chucked Crystal Palace out because they brought into doubt the INTEGRITY OF THE COMPETITION, whereas Mr Marinakis did not.

“We have now got these European competitions to a stage where they are about 50% of the size we need them to be. We haven’t brought Saudi Arabia or Miami or Wrexham into the fold yet but give it time. We are already squeezing the calendar to the extent that there’s so many fixtures that there’s no room for anything else and soon the domestic cups will be so pointless and there will be no INTEGRITY OF THE COMPETITION and no one will enter and it will expand our potential empire in our quest to take over football as we know it. Whoops, said the quiet bit out loud there but anyway, the Golden clubs will be kept apart in the draw. It might seem that the INTEGRITY OF THE COMPETITION is compromised here that these teams can no longer play each other and potentially knock each other out of the Carabao Cup, but we don’t care.

Here comes the draw…

[Fast forward five minutes]

It’s Golden Liverpool at home against… Now don’t worry Arsenal fans, it can’t be you because that would be a really tough fixture and we don’t want that… And don’t worry Manchester City fans, it can’t be you because we wouldn’t want you potentially getting knocked out out of your pet tournament would we, and don’t worry you Saudi overlords of Newcastle… and don’t worry Mr. Marinakis as it can’t be you after we gifted you your golden status for totally legit reasons…. NUMBER 22, SOUTHAMPTON. That’s brilliant because they’ll be absolutely delighted to get one of the golden clubs away from home and everyone loves a plucky underdog.  They will be so pleased. Right, we can let those EFL guys out of the basement now.”

Liverpool away, fuck yeah!

So there you have it, seven other clubs were immune to playing Liverpool away but not us of course. Integrity of the competition.

So, we had a brief 24 hours of giving a shit about the Carabao Cup this year and now we don’t but the Championship is back on Saturday and we have to take the positives of this up to Vicarage Road and Will Still has some selection headaches. If Roerslev comes in, where does Wee Man play? Does Archer start and if he does, does he need Stewart to start as well? Three at the back or a flat four? Tune in for the answers on Saturday.

Up the fucking Saints.