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Nicola… I have a cunning plan
A return from international break sees us face a trip to the
Boleyn Ground to play West Ham who are flying way having hoofed their way to 3
wins already which even allowing for a favourable fixture list, is a brilliant
start for a newly promoted club.Ā Iāve
always liked the Boleyn so for this and many other reasons, I hope they get
knocked back regarding the Olympic Stadium and continue to play here next
season.Ā I canāt quite get my head round
a stadium that showed all that was good about British sport in 2012, showing
Fat Samās charges hoofing the ball into the Statford Stratosphere and waiting
for it to come down, watched by The Dildo boys as they count their pile of
money from not having to build a new ground.
Boleyn Ground to play West Ham who are flying way having hoofed their way to 3
wins already which even allowing for a favourable fixture list, is a brilliant
start for a newly promoted club.Ā Iāve
always liked the Boleyn so for this and many other reasons, I hope they get
knocked back regarding the Olympic Stadium and continue to play here next
season.Ā I canāt quite get my head round
a stadium that showed all that was good about British sport in 2012, showing
Fat Samās charges hoofing the ball into the Statford Stratosphere and waiting
for it to come down, watched by The Dildo boys as they count their pile of
money from not having to build a new ground.
Iām quite confident about this game as we did well against
them last year and I donāt see a real reason why we canāt do well this
year.Ā I predict a 2-1 win with goals by
Sir Rickie and Mayuka.Ā This prediction
was lodged in my head until about 10 minutes before the kick off when I saw
that neither were playing.Ā Oh for fuckās
sake, heās done it again.Ā For the second
time in a week (England in Poland being the other) Iāve seen the starting line
up and known that we were going to be shite.Ā
Artur Boruc was making his debut and Gazza wasnāt even on the bench so I
guess heās injured.Ā Danny Fox wasnāt in
the 18 so Maya was at left back and Big Jos partnered Jose in the middle.Ā Hang on, why are we playing a centre back out
of position at left back?Ā Whereās Luke
Shaw or even Ryan Dickson?Ā The midfield
three were Morgan, Steve Davis and Lallana and up front providing our goal
threat were three players who have not scored this season, Punch, J-Rod and
Guly.Ā I only boiled over when I heard
that Sir Rickie was on the bench and not injured.Ā I fucking give up.Ā West Ham have a few new players from last
year, the most obvious being Andy Carroll up front who could have been built in
a lab to fit into Fat Samās style of play.Ā
In midfield they have Diame who they signed from Wigan who is another
monster of player fitting into the ābrick shithouseā category.
them last year and I donāt see a real reason why we canāt do well this
year.Ā I predict a 2-1 win with goals by
Sir Rickie and Mayuka.Ā This prediction
was lodged in my head until about 10 minutes before the kick off when I saw
that neither were playing.Ā Oh for fuckās
sake, heās done it again.Ā For the second
time in a week (England in Poland being the other) Iāve seen the starting line
up and known that we were going to be shite.Ā
Artur Boruc was making his debut and Gazza wasnāt even on the bench so I
guess heās injured.Ā Danny Fox wasnāt in
the 18 so Maya was at left back and Big Jos partnered Jose in the middle.Ā Hang on, why are we playing a centre back out
of position at left back?Ā Whereās Luke
Shaw or even Ryan Dickson?Ā The midfield
three were Morgan, Steve Davis and Lallana and up front providing our goal
threat were three players who have not scored this season, Punch, J-Rod and
Guly.Ā I only boiled over when I heard
that Sir Rickie was on the bench and not injured.Ā I fucking give up.Ā West Ham have a few new players from last
year, the most obvious being Andy Carroll up front who could have been built in
a lab to fit into Fat Samās style of play.Ā
In midfield they have Diame who they signed from Wigan who is another
monster of player fitting into the ābrick shithouseā category.
The first half can be summed up quite quickly in that it was
very flat and dull.Ā If anything, Saints
were the better side with a snap shot from J-Rod going just wide.Ā Artur Boruc remained relatively untroubled in
goal and for us, itās nice to go 45 minutes without letting in a goal.Ā West Ham were predictably hoooooofing it up
to Carroll but arenāt getting players around him so even if he won it, we were
picking up the loose ball with Lallana, Steven Davis and Morgan all showing up
well in midfield.Ā West Ham were booed
off and happy days, so far.
very flat and dull.Ā If anything, Saints
were the better side with a snap shot from J-Rod going just wide.Ā Artur Boruc remained relatively untroubled in
goal and for us, itās nice to go 45 minutes without letting in a goal.Ā West Ham were predictably hoooooofing it up
to Carroll but arenāt getting players around him so even if he won it, we were
picking up the loose ball with Lallana, Steven Davis and Morgan all showing up
well in midfield.Ā West Ham were booed
off and happy days, so far.
Our story really begins at the start of the second half when
having shackled the focal point of all of West Hamās attacking in the first
half, it must be assumed that the hooooof up to Carroll would have to be dealt
with again but from the first one of the second half itās a free kick to West
Ham as Big Jos and the Big Jessie bang heads.Ā
The decision could easily have been given either way really but it goes
to West Ham.Ā Noble floats it into the
box in a kind of bread-and-butter dead straight lob into the box kind of way
and itās missed by Fonte and Hooiveld, it bounces about 6 yards out and Boruc
is distracted by Collins run and allows it to just bounce past him and straight
into the net.Ā As goals go, itās an
absolutely shit one..
having shackled the focal point of all of West Hamās attacking in the first
half, it must be assumed that the hooooof up to Carroll would have to be dealt
with again but from the first one of the second half itās a free kick to West
Ham as Big Jos and the Big Jessie bang heads.Ā
The decision could easily have been given either way really but it goes
to West Ham.Ā Noble floats it into the
box in a kind of bread-and-butter dead straight lob into the box kind of way
and itās missed by Fonte and Hooiveld, it bounces about 6 yards out and Boruc
is distracted by Collins run and allows it to just bounce past him and straight
into the net.Ā As goals go, itās an
absolutely shit one..
We kick off and within a minute, Guly has given Yoshida a
hospital pass which heās lost in the tackle to send Benayoun away down the
right wing all on his own.Ā His hard and
low cross shot is parried by Boruc, past Fonte who seems to give up on it and
wave it past, totally unaware that Nolan is behind him, two yards out with an
open goal thus completing the 2 goals in 2 minutes trick which we have managed
in every away game so far.Ā I shout
swearwords very loudly which is ok as Iām walking my dog round a cemetery with
Dave Merrington in my ear and the only others within earshot have been dead for
96 years.Ā Still, we still have the
Cunning Plan up our sleeves of Sir Rickie on the bench to bring on to win the
game for us after weāve kept it tight.Ā
Oh.
hospital pass which heās lost in the tackle to send Benayoun away down the
right wing all on his own.Ā His hard and
low cross shot is parried by Boruc, past Fonte who seems to give up on it and
wave it past, totally unaware that Nolan is behind him, two yards out with an
open goal thus completing the 2 goals in 2 minutes trick which we have managed
in every away game so far.Ā I shout
swearwords very loudly which is ok as Iām walking my dog round a cemetery with
Dave Merrington in my ear and the only others within earshot have been dead for
96 years.Ā Still, we still have the
Cunning Plan up our sleeves of Sir Rickie on the bench to bring on to win the
game for us after weāve kept it tight.Ā
Oh.
Having torn my headphones out of my ears in a fit of temper
when the second goal went in, Iām fully reconnected in time to hear J-Rod
wriggle past Collins and feed Lallana who turned and smashed it past
Jaaskeleinen from the edge of the box.Ā Game
back on again and Nigel wastes no time in removing J-Rod and Punch and bringing
on Sir Rickie and Mayuka.Ā Two minutes
later and weāve got a head of steam up and Collins needlessly trips Lallana on
the edge of the box to give us a free kick.Ā
Sir Rickie chips in, Jaaskeleinen stands feet planted…. and the ball
just floats narrowly over the bar.Ā
Still, weāre now playing better and the big man is on the pitch, what
can possibly go wrong?
when the second goal went in, Iām fully reconnected in time to hear J-Rod
wriggle past Collins and feed Lallana who turned and smashed it past
Jaaskeleinen from the edge of the box.Ā Game
back on again and Nigel wastes no time in removing J-Rod and Punch and bringing
on Sir Rickie and Mayuka.Ā Two minutes
later and weāve got a head of steam up and Collins needlessly trips Lallana on
the edge of the box to give us a free kick.Ā
Sir Rickie chips in, Jaaskeleinen stands feet planted…. and the ball
just floats narrowly over the bar.Ā
Still, weāre now playing better and the big man is on the pitch, what
can possibly go wrong?
Andy Carroll has had his fitness issues for a couple of
seasons and heās clearly getting tired now as rather than compete for anything,
he collapses in a heap any time anyone comes near him which is embarrassing for
a 6 foot 4 inch centre forward.Ā Get up
you wanker.Ā From one such clash he falls
down like heās been hit by a bus rather than brushed by a Big Dutchman and the
ref buys it and gives West Ham another free kick from the sort of 45 yard range
where Mark Noble was deadly from a bit earlier.Ā
In it comes and itās half cleared and is travelling away from the goal
when Jose appears to grab a handful of Carrollās hair and throw him on the
ground.Ā I know heās a wanker who falls
over a lot but this is one of the most stupid challenges Iāve ever seen in my
life ā penalty.Ā Iāve seen it reported
that the penalty was for handball but even if it was, hair-pull wrestling
throws donāt go down too well with referees or hopefully, managers who hand out
fines for stupidity.Ā Up steps Noble for
the second goal that weāve made him work really hard for, bang, Boruc the wrong
way, 3-1 and any chance of a comeback completely gone.Ā
seasons and heās clearly getting tired now as rather than compete for anything,
he collapses in a heap any time anyone comes near him which is embarrassing for
a 6 foot 4 inch centre forward.Ā Get up
you wanker.Ā From one such clash he falls
down like heās been hit by a bus rather than brushed by a Big Dutchman and the
ref buys it and gives West Ham another free kick from the sort of 45 yard range
where Mark Noble was deadly from a bit earlier.Ā
In it comes and itās half cleared and is travelling away from the goal
when Jose appears to grab a handful of Carrollās hair and throw him on the
ground.Ā I know heās a wanker who falls
over a lot but this is one of the most stupid challenges Iāve ever seen in my
life ā penalty.Ā Iāve seen it reported
that the penalty was for handball but even if it was, hair-pull wrestling
throws donāt go down too well with referees or hopefully, managers who hand out
fines for stupidity.Ā Up steps Noble for
the second goal that weāve made him work really hard for, bang, Boruc the wrong
way, 3-1 and any chance of a comeback completely gone.Ā
You think that it canāt get any worse but with us in away
games it certainly can and as the game ticks down, Maiga, the big powerful sub
gets the ball on the right and none of Yoshida, Fonte and Hooiveld cover
themselves in glory as heās allowed to cut in and curl a left footed strike in
off the far post.Ā Brilliant goal but
what a load of crap from us.
games it certainly can and as the game ticks down, Maiga, the big powerful sub
gets the ball on the right and none of Yoshida, Fonte and Hooiveld cover
themselves in glory as heās allowed to cut in and curl a left footed strike in
off the far post.Ā Brilliant goal but
what a load of crap from us.
And so the game ended and we got twatted.Ā Harsh scoreline or not, we went to West Ham,
only defended for 45 minutes and didnāt create more than three chances all
game.Ā The bottom line is that we didnāt
defend well enough and we didnāt attack well enough, therefore, we were pretty shit
and deserved to get nothing from a game we should have been getting something
out of.
only defended for 45 minutes and didnāt create more than three chances all
game.Ā The bottom line is that we didnāt
defend well enough and we didnāt attack well enough, therefore, we were pretty shit
and deserved to get nothing from a game we should have been getting something
out of.
The cunning plan to leave Sir Rickie out and bring him on to
win the game is quite clearly so lacking in cunning that even the great Baldrick
himself wouldnāt have been stupid enough to consider it.Ā That means that itās pretty bloody
stupid.Ā We have one player who has in
any way proven that he can be a regular scorer in the Premier League and we
leave him on the bench.Ā In my book, that
is stupid.Ā As Iāve said before, we are
less of side with Sir Rickie not in the team and have been for 3 years and
guess what, this will continue to be the case until he leaves or retires.Ā It seems to me like Nigel is over thinking
things when football is a simple game.Ā Youāre
more likely to score if your main goal threat is on the pitch ā simples (fucking
Meerkats).Ā Also, in our 8 games so far,
we threw leads against Man United and Fulham after Sir Rickie got taken off ā
we could do with those 5 points now.Ā I
guess J-Rod was preferred because heās quicker which in Nigelās mind at some
point, obviously outweighed the fact that heās not as good a player.Ā He might be one day but he isnāt at this
moment in time.Ā I could understand the
similar selection made at Man City because Man City are the Champions and we
were going to be chasing around all game trying to get the ball back.Ā West Ham are not Man City
and leaving Sir Rickie out suggests that we were scared of them somehow which
is ridiculous.Ā Iām sure Nigel knows
though that if you make very strange selections like this one, lose the game
and youāre going to get slaughtered and deservedly so.Ā Of course though, it wasnāt the forwards that
cost us the game though we created nothing of note up front.Ā Punch had a decent first half but did his
usual 2nd half fade before being subbed and Guly did nothing of note
at all.Ā J-Rod meanwhile looked ok in
general but does he ever look like scoring?
win the game is quite clearly so lacking in cunning that even the great Baldrick
himself wouldnāt have been stupid enough to consider it.Ā That means that itās pretty bloody
stupid.Ā We have one player who has in
any way proven that he can be a regular scorer in the Premier League and we
leave him on the bench.Ā In my book, that
is stupid.Ā As Iāve said before, we are
less of side with Sir Rickie not in the team and have been for 3 years and
guess what, this will continue to be the case until he leaves or retires.Ā It seems to me like Nigel is over thinking
things when football is a simple game.Ā Youāre
more likely to score if your main goal threat is on the pitch ā simples (fucking
Meerkats).Ā Also, in our 8 games so far,
we threw leads against Man United and Fulham after Sir Rickie got taken off ā
we could do with those 5 points now.Ā I
guess J-Rod was preferred because heās quicker which in Nigelās mind at some
point, obviously outweighed the fact that heās not as good a player.Ā He might be one day but he isnāt at this
moment in time.Ā I could understand the
similar selection made at Man City because Man City are the Champions and we
were going to be chasing around all game trying to get the ball back.Ā West Ham are not Man City
and leaving Sir Rickie out suggests that we were scared of them somehow which
is ridiculous.Ā Iām sure Nigel knows
though that if you make very strange selections like this one, lose the game
and youāre going to get slaughtered and deservedly so.Ā Of course though, it wasnāt the forwards that
cost us the game though we created nothing of note up front.Ā Punch had a decent first half but did his
usual 2nd half fade before being subbed and Guly did nothing of note
at all.Ā J-Rod meanwhile looked ok in
general but does he ever look like scoring?
I donāt like Fat Sam and I never will ā donāt like what he
stands for and the way his teams play football and the stuff he comes out with
in defence of things he holds dear but I can guarantee you one thing, he wonāt
give a flying fuck what anyone thinks if he keeps West Ham up this season –
which he will.Ā He knows it is ALL about
points on the board and anything else is secondary.Ā Itās also interesting to compare the shopping
in the summer, bearing in mind that we were better than them last year.Ā Both sides needed some strength in midfield –
they got Diame and we brought in Davis
who is a tidy ball playing midfielder.Ā
They needed a winger and got Jarvis, we needed the same and got Ramirez
who plays in the centre.Ā Both sides
needed a centre back – they got Collins who has a lot of Premiership experience
and we got Yoshida who has no experience at playing in England… and we play
him at left back, where heās shitt.
stands for and the way his teams play football and the stuff he comes out with
in defence of things he holds dear but I can guarantee you one thing, he wonāt
give a flying fuck what anyone thinks if he keeps West Ham up this season –
which he will.Ā He knows it is ALL about
points on the board and anything else is secondary.Ā Itās also interesting to compare the shopping
in the summer, bearing in mind that we were better than them last year.Ā Both sides needed some strength in midfield –
they got Diame and we brought in Davis
who is a tidy ball playing midfielder.Ā
They needed a winger and got Jarvis, we needed the same and got Ramirez
who plays in the centre.Ā Both sides
needed a centre back – they got Collins who has a lot of Premiership experience
and we got Yoshida who has no experience at playing in England… and we play
him at left back, where heās shitt.
You hear some people saying that playing good football is
the most important thing but let me tell you, as a supporter of a team that
plays some good football but is currently getting dicked in every away game
that it really isnāt.Ā Fat Sam wants to
get points as does Nigel but Nigel thinks the way to get points is to play like
we do in the formation that we play.Ā
Away from home that is simply not the case.Ā We got completely thumped 4-1 by West Ham who
in the context of the Premier League, are not very good. Fair play to them for
their excellent start to the season but watch them fall down the league in
November and December as their fixtures get difficult.
the most important thing but let me tell you, as a supporter of a team that
plays some good football but is currently getting dicked in every away game
that it really isnāt.Ā Fat Sam wants to
get points as does Nigel but Nigel thinks the way to get points is to play like
we do in the formation that we play.Ā
Away from home that is simply not the case.Ā We got completely thumped 4-1 by West Ham who
in the context of the Premier League, are not very good. Fair play to them for
their excellent start to the season but watch them fall down the league in
November and December as their fixtures get difficult.
And what is āgood footballā anyway?Ā I hear that Southampton are a good
footballing side but where in the good football manual does it mention about
defending like clowns and conceding 3 goals per game.Ā The term āgood footballā sure encompasses the
ugly stuff you do without the ball, not just poncing about playing 20 passes
and after all that, the opposition have 11 men in front of you ā Propaganda
football as Gordon Strachan used to call it.Ā
We allegedly want to play like Barcelona who pass pass pass but guess
what, they defend properly when they donāt have the ball with a proper holding
midfielder and defenders who concentrate, as if they didnāt, theyād get humped
every week as well.Ā Nigel has to adopt a
more pragmatic approach, get some midfielders in the side who can put a tackle
in and some defenders who are capable to concentrating for 95 minutes.Ā Conceding two goals straight after half time
is simply scandalous having defended comfortably for 45 minutes ā there is no
excuse, you have to tackle everything and head everything against West Ham so
what do we doā¦ all leave it to eachother.Ā
Itās odd that I had a pop at Roy Hodgson for his rigid approach with
England but that is what is needed for us in away games, two banks of four,
hard to break down, bark, bollock and bite which admittedly is hard to do with
no midfielders who can tackle.
footballing side but where in the good football manual does it mention about
defending like clowns and conceding 3 goals per game.Ā The term āgood footballā sure encompasses the
ugly stuff you do without the ball, not just poncing about playing 20 passes
and after all that, the opposition have 11 men in front of you ā Propaganda
football as Gordon Strachan used to call it.Ā
We allegedly want to play like Barcelona who pass pass pass but guess
what, they defend properly when they donāt have the ball with a proper holding
midfielder and defenders who concentrate, as if they didnāt, theyād get humped
every week as well.Ā Nigel has to adopt a
more pragmatic approach, get some midfielders in the side who can put a tackle
in and some defenders who are capable to concentrating for 95 minutes.Ā Conceding two goals straight after half time
is simply scandalous having defended comfortably for 45 minutes ā there is no
excuse, you have to tackle everything and head everything against West Ham so
what do we doā¦ all leave it to eachother.Ā
Itās odd that I had a pop at Roy Hodgson for his rigid approach with
England but that is what is needed for us in away games, two banks of four,
hard to break down, bark, bollock and bite which admittedly is hard to do with
no midfielders who can tackle.
We cannot sign any new players until January and we have
very few options when it comes to defenders and defensive midfielders to come
into the team so all we have which may improve things is the set up of the
team.Ā Thatās down to Nigel and his
coaching staff.Ā If we carry on conceding
three goals a game until January, weāll already be down.Ā
very few options when it comes to defenders and defensive midfielders to come
into the team so all we have which may improve things is the set up of the
team.Ā Thatās down to Nigel and his
coaching staff.Ā If we carry on conceding
three goals a game until January, weāll already be down.Ā
Nigel sounded gutted afterwards in the post match interview
which ended with him being asked if he thought we should have gone with 2 up
front at the end.Ā Heās responded that we
play 4-3-3 and then the interview ended so you didnāt really get the context of
how he meant that last answer.Ā On first
viewing, I took it to mean that he was saying that āwe play three up frontā but
then, Iām not a conspiracy theorist.Ā
Others, who I assume are out there looking for little green men on a visit
from Mars, took it to mean that āwe play 4-3-3 because Iām told by Cortese that
we have to and I canāt change it and I have to pick J-Rod because we paid a lot
of money for him and I have to do what The Don says because heās in charge and
heāll probably shoot meā.Ā However,
explaining the Sir Rickie omission away with āwe have a squad of players to
useā is not an explanation that is going to wash with anyone.
which ended with him being asked if he thought we should have gone with 2 up
front at the end.Ā Heās responded that we
play 4-3-3 and then the interview ended so you didnāt really get the context of
how he meant that last answer.Ā On first
viewing, I took it to mean that he was saying that āwe play three up frontā but
then, Iām not a conspiracy theorist.Ā
Others, who I assume are out there looking for little green men on a visit
from Mars, took it to mean that āwe play 4-3-3 because Iām told by Cortese that
we have to and I canāt change it and I have to pick J-Rod because we paid a lot
of money for him and I have to do what The Don says because heās in charge and
heāll probably shoot meā.Ā However,
explaining the Sir Rickie omission away with āwe have a squad of players to
useā is not an explanation that is going to wash with anyone.
Still. Next week we have a nice easy one at home to
Spurs.Ā Theyāll score three so tune in to
see if we can score four.
Spurs.Ā Theyāll score three so tune in to
see if we can score four.
League 1 Minus 10 
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