Get off the Fucking Pitch You Dickhead!

Everton at home is a slightly different proposition to what
it was over the last few years. The Blues have kind of played at being a big
club for the last few years in that they were throwing lots of money around but
seemingly without any sort of plan, signing multiple players for the same
position and not actually addressing what they needed to address. It’s totally
unsurprising that having a decent manager actually helps. Carlo Ancelotti got
to the end of last season with what he had and clearly identified that his
midfield was the problem. Last year he chose to virtually bypass it because he
knew it was the problem but this year with the signing of Allan, Doucoure and the
‘cherry on top of the cake’ signing of James Rodriguez.  This has left their fans having more optimism
about Everton that they’ve had at any time since the mid-80s when Howard
Kendall was the manager.  Needless to
say, they are Champions elect in the eyes of most of the media, given that the
league is always decided after 5 games.

The new players that they’ve brought in have breathed a new
lease of life into some of those who were previously quite underwhelming with
Dominic Calvert-Lewin being the most obvious example. James, DCL and
Richarlison is as good a front three as you will find it anywhere in the league
and it’s a real shame (* sarcasm alert) that Richarlison is suspended today
after his red card against Liverpool last week. Richarlison is what opposition
fans commonly refer to as a dickhead. He dives and he’s got a nasty streak and
he is a massive dickhead but he combines that with being a fucking good player
which is the perfect cocktail to make him a nightmare for opposition fans. The
reason you can tell he’s a special player is because he proved last year that
he can do it in a very average team which sets them apart from many of the
hyped up players elsewhere in the league at the traditional big clubs.

Elsewhere they have a very good full-backs in Coleman and
Digne who both get forward and defend well and give them excellent balance. The
weak area is the central defence where Keane and Mina have always got a mistake
in them as has the goalkeeper of course, England number one Jordan Pickford.
Pickford shouldn’t be playing today as he should’ve got sent off last week but
a combination of shit refereeing and shit VAR means that he is. Personally, I’m
quite happy to have an irrational goalkeeper playing against us who will be
bouncing around the penalty area like Tigger on speed whenever the ball comes
anywhere near him. He probably has until January to sort himself out, at which
at which point Ancelotti, if he hasn’t already, will identify him as the
weakest link that needs replacing. Good managers don’t shy away from making
difficult decisions.

So, can Saints do it today – well, Everton haven’t lost a
game all season and have been largely excellent but they were lucky to get a point
in the Merseyside derby last week and there are weaknesses there so why not?  Richarlison is suspended and rumour has it
that James Rodriguez might be injured as well but I am increasingly of the
feeling that this is shithousing by Everton because they said he got injured in
a challenge with van Dijk may well be them getting back at how much Liverpool
are shitting on about the injury to their main man.

Saints have had a relatively quiet week after the excitement
of Chelsea and Ralph has seemed quite relaxed in his press conferences. Theo
Walcott of course can’t play Against his parent club and ‘made of glass’
Djenepo can’t play either.  Luckily, it
appears that Stuart Armstrong and his magnificent hair have recovered from
whatever meant he gave a positive Covid test so we should be okay on the wings
with Nathan Tella providing back up from the bench.  There is a place on the bench for Dan N’Lundulu
which is a result of Saints attempting to give Michael Obafemi 90 minutes in
the B Team a few days ago.  He didn’t play
90 because he got sent off.

Away we go and Vestergaard knocks a nice ball out to the
left and Bertrand has that side of the pitch to himself.  Rather than just bang it across, Bertrand
picks out Redmond with a pull back and he scuffs it towards the back post, just
past Adams desperate boot and wide.  Poor,
poor finishing.

So what have Everton got? 
Well Godfrey has come in at right back and he looks shit and Iwobi has
come in on the left and he definitely is shit.  The other player who has come in is Sigurdsson
who has scored about 90% of his career goals against Saints.  So, when Everton build up very nicely from the
back and switch it out to the Incelander on the left, there is a certain
inevitability as he cuts in and takes aim.  Over McCarthy it goes and dips and pings off
the bar and over.  Fuck me we got a bit
lucky there.

Saints have settled into this game well and are passing the
ball nicely and mostly going down the left because James doesn’t defend and
Godfrey looks shite as said earlier.  Bertrand
finds space and puts over another good cross which is half cleared and Romeu,
now a goalscoring midfielder of course, smashing it goalwards and stumpy little
midget Pickford pulls off of a decent save and we win a throw-in over the far
side.

Winning a throw-in is not usually relevant to anything but
whilst Sky are still showing replays of the Pickford save, KWP takes the throw,
into JWP‘s feet, he flicks it to Ings and Ings knock the ball between Michael Keane’s
legs for JWP to take it on and drill it across Pickford into the far corner –
fucking get in. Brilliant from Saints, dodgy concentration, marking, tracking
of the runner and goalkeeping from Everton, the Champions elect.

 

The expected immediate response didn’t happen and five
minutes later we are threatening again as Redmond finds Bertrand, who kicks it
into Adams and across to Ings who takes on Godfrey and Doucoure before crossing
first time left footed, over Sigurdsson and Che Zach Everton Fred Adams (to give him his full name), takes a touch before
drilling it past Pickford, with the aid of a slight deflection it has to be
said but who cares, 2-0 to the Saints and maybe the commentators will start
talking about us now.

Any response after the 2^nd goal?  Nope. The champions elect really aren’t doing
much and a ball over the top finds Adams running in behind the left hand side
of Everton‘s defence. On he goes before pulling the ball back to the onrushing
Armstrong and he smashes it right footed first time past Pickford and into the
far corner of the net. A brilliant finish but then of course, the bloody flag
goes up. It’s a lot tighter than I thought it was but nevertheless, it was
offside.

Before I had time to think that we just needed to get to
half time with a clean sheet, the half time whistle blew.  That was pretty close to ideal to be
honest.  Everton didn’t seem to have much
in the way of response and it would be interesting to see if Ancelotti switched
things around to try and get back into it.  Ten minutes later we had our answer with Iwobi
predictably going off to be replaced with Bernard.  The good news was that Godfrey was still at
right back.

Saints were still the better side at the start of the second
half and just before the hour mark with Everton still in need of a wake up,
Ancelotti took off Sigurdssona dn Doucoure and threw on Gordon and Delph.  Delph? 
Fucking hell.  Anyway, Gordon
created an opportunity with Bernard for James which didn’t come to anything.
All it did was reminders that James Rodriguez was actually playing and that he
wasn’t injured after all.

Saints are playing some wonderful stuff, breaking up
virtually every Everton attack at source and then working the ball through
midfield to set the attackers away.  From
one such break, we work the ball to Adams on the right and Redmond eventually
finds Armstrong flying down the left, whose cross is missed in front of goal by
the distinctly offside looking Danny Ings.  It’s around this time that Everton start
getting a bit niggly with Calvert-Lewin clearly getting fed up with getting nothing
out of Vestergaard and Digne leaving what looked like an elbow on Bednarek.

Anyway, Everton attacked down the left hand side but it’s
all a bit rushed because Kane is feeling the pressure of the press, led by the King
of the Scummers Danny Ings.  Digne loses
the ball and then has a swipe at KWP as he takes it away and catches him but
doesn’t stop the Saints full-back.  Digne
then sprints after him and trads on the back of his ankle as he goes forward
and much to my surprise (because he’s usually a dick referee) producing a red
card from Kevin Friend.  Digne is truly a
horrible little twat and despite his protestations of innocence and ‘hard done
by’ looking face, I find it very hard to believe that he didn’t mean that and
get off the pitch, you wanker.

The game is over at this point. The Champions elect have
absolutely fuck all left in the tank and Saints are quite happy to keep them
arm’s-length and keep a clean sheet. The closest we get to scoring is a
Bertrand corner which is met powerfully by Vestergaard but Pickford gets off
the ground to tip it over the bar.

There are substitute appearances for Diallo and a first
appearance for Dan N’Lundulu who looks a handful showing good strength and
touch and hopefully will see more of him in the future.

It doesn’t get better than that to be honest.  A home game against the league leaders and a
comfortable 2-0 win which was never really in doubt from half-time onwards.
Let’s get this right, Saints were brilliant today and totally deserved to win.
It was as close to a perfect home performance as you could get and this was
against the side that like Chelsea last week, cost millions to put together.

Lets talk about Everton because that’s all that Sky were
doing.  The narrative on the Sky coverage
was of course all about Everton and excuse they were trolling out was that
Everton just don’t have the squad. What is this utter bullshit? If you look at
the players who played today who don’t normally play, Godfrey cost £25 million,
Sigurdsson cost £50 million, Iwobi cost £40 million and I’m pretty sure that
Bernard cost a few quid as well.  They
might not be the best players in the world every single one of them cost more
than our transfer record so spare me the “poor Everton“ bollocks. This season
has been all about Dominic Calvert-Lewin and he’s deserve every bit of praise
that has gone on his way but he did absolutely fuck all today, probably not
helped by having Sky commentator Alan Smith on the end of his cock for 90
minutes.  I imagine Alan got in the way a
bit. Maybe that explains why Jannik Vestergaard won every header and every
challenge and basically didn’t let Calvert-Lewin even have a sight of goal and
he barely touched the ball.  Whilst the
full DCL wankfest was going on over the past couple of weeks, it was all about
how he doesn’t lose any headers.  Well he
didn’t win one today against Jannik.

They had one shot in the first half from Sigurdsson that
pinged off the bar and Sky tried to make a big deal out of a James freekick
which was pretty shit to be honest because McCarthy lined up a wall to cover
the left side of the goal, stood on the right hand side himself and James hit
the ball straight at him.  For such a
celebrated player, James was pretty non-existent to be honest and by the end,
clearly didn’t want to be out there.

Still, at least Everton now there truly arrived because the
media seem to have accepted them as one of their own, apart from when they play
against Liverpool of course. Alan Smith on Sky was unbelievable today as
mentioned earlier and the fact that he gave Nathan Redmond the Man of the Match
proved that he wasn’t actually watching Saints at all, just Everton. Match of
the Day in the evening had two pundits reviewing the game, Tim Cahill and Leon
Osman who between them have about 600 appearances for Everton.

The Everton media have basically said that Digne’s tackle
was completely accidental and that it was a ridiculous red card. Sorry, The
snide little fucker deserves a red card. He had elbowed Bednarek in the face,
then took a swipe at KWP two seconds before he went surfing on his ankle. It’s
dangerous whether he meant it or not so take your three-game ban and fuck off –
I hope if they appeal it like Ancelotti said they would, but he gets an extra
one for it being frivolous. The mitigation is going to be that he had his hands
in the air so we couldn’t possibly meant it. That’s bullshit by the way. Digne
loves playing at St Mary‘s and he now has a red card to add to his 30 yard own
goal for a couple of seasons back. (UPDATE: on appeal, the ban’s been reduced
to one game so I guess they’re saying it should be two yellows – I have to say
that I’m very surprised they’ve reduced it).

Finally, Ancelotti – he hasn’t had a good few days.  The bullshit over the James non-injury,
questionable team selection and then basically blaming Liverpool and the
Pickford/VVD reaction for Digne’s red card.  Give your head a wobble Carlo.

Anyway – fuck the Champions Elect, we were brilliant.

Alex McCarthy had virtually nothing to do and the
partnerships all over the pitch worked superbly. The centre backs as previously
mentioned were absolutely brilliant with Bednarek having a much better game
than he did last week.  The full backs
shut down the flanks and were a threat going forward and Ryan Bertrand even had
time to wind James up a treat.

The midfield of Romeu and JWP completely dominated and though
it will be underplayed, that goal from JWP is different gravy – it might have
been a little bit more difficult if that nasty little twat Digne had tracked
his runner.  Romeu was man of the match
for me – the difference in his performance levels between the start of last
season and the start of this season is ridiculous.  Gone is the dwelling on the ball and in the
main, the careless passing is gone as well – and he didn’t kill anyone today.  Maybe it’s knowing that we have a back up for
his position now.

The forwards were superb with Ings and Adams really going at
the weaknesses in the Everton side and being a nightmare for them throughout. Che
Adams is on a roll now and if he continues to chip in goals, his partnership
with Ings is going to be right up there with the best in the Premier League if
it isn’t already.  Ralph got his tactics
spot on, targeting down the flanks, where it was particularly notable that we focussed
Godfrey at right back who was a shite centre half at Norwich last season, so I
don’t see why he’s going to be any good at playing in unfamiliar position even
if it is for a better team.  He and the
half-arsed James down that flank were there to be got at and we did.  Ralph spent most of his post-match presser talking about the fact that it was the 1 year anniversary since you-know-what.  Give it a fucking rest.

Saints suddenly have options with Walcott not being available
to play today and Diallo again looking decent in the 10 minutes that he played
at the end of the game. It was also good to see Dan N’Lundulu getting a few
minutes and showed some decent touches of the ball and an ability to shield the
ball against a tank like Yerry Mina.

Up comes the league table graphic and we’re 5^th –
what is this madness.  OK, we’ll drop a
few places when all the results come in for this week but bloody hell.  Villa away next week and they’ve just had
their bubble burst, getting thumped by Leeds so there’s another opportunity
there.  One game at a time and all that
but it’s great to be optimistic again.