Madley and Ten Hag Congratulate McTominay on his Juggling Skills

Manchester United at St Mary‘s for a stupid kickoff
time of 12:30 on a Saturday at the behest of BT Sport. I wonder if the actual
Manchester-based fans of United still get pissed off about early kick-off is on
the South coast or do they just accept it these days. All of the fuckers who
live closer to Southampton than Manchester probably don’t care too much.

It’s easy to have an opinion about Manchester United. Usually, fans
of other clubs just hate them, which came from the best part of 20 years of them
being ridiculously successful. I expect United fans were quite happy fans of
other clubs hate them but I don’t expect they are quite prepared for any ridicule that comes their way these days.  Luckily,
I’m old enough to still find it fucking hilarious when you look at the decline
over the post Fergie years, especially in relation to how far behind their
Manchester noisy neighbours they are.

Well last year they were shocking and finished sixth and in the
summer they appointed a new manager Erik Ten Hag from Ajax and then initially,
didn’t really support him in the transfer market. You would’ve thought they
would’ve had four players in the door as soon as the new manager arrived but
they didn’t. The first three players they signed with all players with Ten Hag
connections and didn’t seem initially to address the problem areas in their
squad.

Tyrel Malacia joined and immediately became Wayne Shaw’s under study (or it
seemed until last week). Then they signed Christian Eriksen, seemingly because
they could and for no other real reason because he plays in exactly the same
position as Bruno Fernandes. After that they addressed the gaping chasm at
centre half and signed 5 foot 9 inch Lisandro Martinez and Ten Hag decided
initially to drop Rafael Varane and still leave Harry Maguire and his Caravan
in the team.

As you can tell, this little summary would’ve sounded a lot different if it had
been written six days ago after they lost their first match pathetically, at
home to Brighton and then got smashed 4-0 away at Brentford. Last time out of
course, they beat Liverpool and today will prove one way or another whether
they can back up one good performance where they actually worked really hard.

The magic ingredient for Ten Hag was to actually leave out Maguire and Wayne Shaw
and also Cristiano Ronaldo, who at 37 and with it all being about him, isn’t
too keen on being the modern striker, who has to be pressing defenders when
they haven’t got the ball. Who would’ve believed that leaving Maguire out and
playing multiple Champions League winning Varane would make the team stronger?
Who would’ve believed that Malacia, stepping out of the darkness cast by Shaw’s
considerable shadow would’ve been a good thing? Who would’ve believed that
having a centre forward that actually played for the team instead of himself
would’ve been better?

Oh, there is also a small matter of them spending £70 million on
multiple La Liga and multiple Champions League winner Casemiro. It will be his
first game today so we’ve got to hope that he finds the pace of the Premier
League a little bit too much, which may be a bit hopeful considering his played
against English sides in European competitions many times. Yes the Glazers are
shit owners because they’ve taken loads of money out the club but undoubtedly a
major problem has been what the not inconsiderable funds have been spent on by
the side of the boardroom that supposed to know about football.  At Southampton we think our owners are great
for spending a total of about about £20 million less on 6 players than what
United have just spent on one player.  It’s
all about entitlement, I guess.

Team news is in and just the one change for Saints with Che Adams of course
coming in for Sekou Mara.  The only
surprise for me is that Elyounoussi is again preferred to Stuart
Armstrong.  United have left Casemiro on
the bench and pick the same side that they put out against Liverpool last week
so no Maguire, no Ronaldo and no Wayne Shaw. 
In Maguire’s absence, Ten Hag has chosen Whining Bitch Face Fernandes as
the captain.

An even opening to the game but United carve out an early opportunity, with Dalot winning the ball after Djenepo missed a
tackle.  The United full back failed to pick
out Whining Bitch Face in the middle and sailed it over his head.

I’m not usually one for these clapping efforts during games but the 10^th
minute saw a clap for David Armstrong which was enthusiastically picked
up.  The screen was showing goals that
David scored against United but the ploy nearly backfired and but for some
ridiculously brave defending it would have done.  Dalot put in a good cross, KWP won the header
against Whining Bitch Face, the ball dropped for Elanga to smash it goalwards
forcing a great save out of Baz… but the ball loops down to Whining Bitch Face
it it’s blocked again by KWP and then Eriksen has a go and ABK throws himself
in the way.  Were we a bit lucky or was
it brilliant defending?  Who cares, still
0-0.

The left side of United’s defence looks like the place to go for and Adams has
realised this.  It’s not just that
Martinez is 5 foot 9, it’s that Malacia at left back is Tariq Lamptey sized.  Fair play to the two United players though,
they look pretty tough and it’s a good battle with Che.  We do have the edge in the air though and a JWP
corner into the 6 yard box is missed by everyone, controlled by ABK and leaning
back, he lashes it over the bar.

We have one more chance before half time as Salisu heads a clearance forward,
Adam Armstrong picks it up and runs directly at the defence before crossing
along the ground to Adams, who holds off Martinez, turns and smashes it
straight at de Gea.

Half time and a decent half from us.  I
can see it ending 0-0 to be honest and neither team seem to have the cutting
edge.  We’ve looked pretty solid however
and the commitment has certainly been there. 
United seem to go up a gear at the start of the second half and Elanga
plays a couple of 1-2’s with Rashford and Whining Bitch Face and as he gets
into the box, he is halted by a superbly timed ABK tackle.

It’s a temporary reprieve however as Elanga cuts in off his wing, plays a 1-2
with Sancho and finds Dalot and the full back pulls it back to the edge of the
area and there is Bruno Whining Bitch Face to steer a really controlled
sidefoot volley into the net.  Shit.  What have we got?

Well we’ve got a bench so on comes Stuart Armstrong for Elyounoussi, which
surprises no one.  Following the corner
of the ball gets cleared out as far as KWP on the halfway line and he lobs a
straight ball back in the direction of Adams, who is up against McTominay.   Adams chests it down and the the ball hits McTominay’s
arm once, then again and then a third time for good measure.  Andy Madley immediately signals that it’s not
handball despite… you know…. the three times with his arm thing and we’re off
to the VAR room as Che Adams is going absolutely mental at him.

“Hi there Brooksy – Che Adams has gone full Braveheart on me – something
about a handball”

“Can confirm that the Adams chests it down and the ball hits McTominay’s arm to
take it away from Adams, Andy.”

“OK, so he gained an advantage?”

“Certainly.”

“OK, let’s give a penalty…”

(The sound of Brooksy being punched to the floor comes over the headphones)

“THIS IS HOWARD WEBB, THIS IS HOWARD WEBB, KING OF PGMOL

“Errr, hello Howard”

“IT IS NOT HANDBALL”

“Why not exactly?

“IT’S HIT HIS ARM ONCE, THEN TWICE, THEN THREE TIMES”

“Surely more reason to give it, yes?”

“NOOOOOOOOOOO, IF IT HITS HIM ONCE IT MIGHT BE HANDBALL BUT IF IT HITS 3 TIMES…
WHAT IS IT ANDY?

“Err…. Juggling?”

EXACTLY, HANDBALL IS AN OFFENCE BUT THERE’S NO LAW AGAINST JUGGLING”

“Oh, I guess not….”

“I’M BACK MOTHER F*CKERS, GOD BLESS THE GLAZERS, GOD BLESS SIR ALEX”

Lavia sends Adam Armstrong away on the left and he uses Djenepo as a decoy
before standing up a good cross with his left foot which is well met by Aribo
but he can only direct it straight at de Gea and he shovels it out but unfortunately it’s just
too high for KWP running in and he can only head the rebound over the bar.

Mara is on for Adam Armstrong and Perraud for Djenepo but then we go full ‘outside
the box’ mental and Lyanco is on for Aribo and it looks like he’s playing up
front.  So, we’ve sent on a nutjob centre
back to play up front and United have sent on Casemiro, their £70 million
serial Champions League winner and also, Cristiano Ronaldo.  Ronaldo has a few yards on Salisu as he tries
to break into our penalty area but Salisu absolutely eats up the ground and easily
dispossesses him.

Six minutes goes up on the board so there’s still time and we’re still
pressing.  Stuart Armstrong puts a cross over
from the left hand side which is headed back in by KWP from beyond the far post
and Mara tries and overhead kick, which he executes really well but it’s hacked
away from just in front of the line.

After some United timewasting over a throw in, we have one last attack has Big Baz
launches one down the middle. As he has done all day, Adams wins it and knocks it
down, JWP crosses it to the back post and Mara tries a cushioned volley, which
in truth does not go far wide of the far post.

Andy Madley blows the whistle spot on 96 minutes, despite United wasting a good
two minutes in injury time and making a substitution, which is supposed to add
a compulsory 30 seconds, thus adding ‘not being able to tell the time’, to the
list of things that he can’t fucking do. 
The final whistle completed the worst performance out of any of the
people on the grass today. Useless fucker…. Seriously – when a player can use
his hand three times in a second in the penalty area and it not get given
either by the referee or the useless twats at Stockley Park, then we have a
fucking problem.

Apart from the useless fucking officials, we lost today because United just had
that one moment of attacking quality in the second half which was the superb
move that led to the goal. It was a shame it was Whining Bitch Face who scored
but it was a really good goal. Attack wise, we just didn’t really get going
today despite the best efforts of Che Adams who battered the United defenders around
all afternoon. There was just not enough from the likes of Adam Armstrong,
Aribo and Elyounoussi behind him and consequently we didn’t test De Gea
anywhere near enough.

As well as Adams, there were good performances all over the park and if we get that
cutting edge upfront, we will be a serious team this season. The defence was
largely excellent, including Moussa Djenepo again with excellent performances
at centre back by ABK and Salisu, who certainly seems to be getting back to his
best. KWP had a solid game against a tricky Sancho as well.  Did you see this weeks “Not playing for the Manager“
award, as sponsored by the Daily Mail? 
That was the bit when all the defenders were throwing themselves at the
ball to try and stop United scoring in the first half. ABK also managed to be
the biggest attacking threat outside of Che Adams but the less said about his
finishing, the better.

Whereas United can spend £70 million on a Champions League winning player in
the centre of midfield, Saints have spent about £12 million for an 18 year old
in Romeo Lavia, who had another excellent game next to JWP who again put in a
really good shift.in midfield and neither deserved to be on the losing side.  Overall, I felt we were unlucky to lose. If
the referee does his job then we get a draw but the referee didn’t do his job.
Will there be any repercussions for the referee not doing his job? Of course
there fucking won’t.  Not content with
having every single advantage under the fucking sun, they have to have dodgy
officials as well. I hate coming away from games against the Super League clubs
thinking that we’ve been done in some way by the officials but that feeling is
inevitable today.

It was interesting that the Match of the Day highlights focused on a handball
that was given against a defender last week and saying that that was probably
the reason why it wasn’t given today as they were admitting they were wrong
last week. Fucking great that is. Where is the consistency? Someone will look
at the handball today during the week and decide that this one probably
should’ve been a penalty and will be given next week, probably against us.

In a week where Manchester United‘s favourite referee Howard Webb, was
confirmed as PGMOL leader, Andy Madley does his work for him and has an
absolute shit of a game. Not only did United to get the big decision of the
game, they also got the small ones, same as it ever was.  It’s actually the little decisions that kill you
– all the pulling the shirt tactical fouls without getting a yellow card or
better still, pulling a player back, then letting go and escaping the booking
because play has gone on.  As for the big
decisions, before VAR, you had no choice but to accept shit decisions against
the big clubs and in your mind you could put it down to the pace of the game
and everyone is human and all that kind of stuff.  Now, with VAR, there is no excuse but it
still happens, so you were left thinking that it just happens deliberately.

Overall, there are many reasons to be pleased about the state of things as
we’re going to next Tuesday‘s home game against Chelsea. The signings we have
made are all making the team better and there has been a gradual increase in
performance levels since we went to four at the back against Leeds.  There is now absolutely no way that we are
going back to the five at the back model with the successful start made by
Salisu and Bella-Kotchap as a pairing. They have proved that they are good
enough and they have proved they can play as a pair. We still have things to
work out at the top end of the pitch and hopefully there’s some movement on
that front in the next few days before the transfer window closes.

As I said against Spurs, it’s not games against the Super League clubs that
define our season in terms of results.  In
those games, it’s nice to nick something but it’s ultimately about putting in a
performance and looking like we are progressing and we certainly did that
today.  When you play the Super League
teams, if you’re going to lose then it’s about the way that you lose and the
performance that you give. Against Spurs, the performance was unacceptable but
today it was decent and we were unlucky and there is not one fan complaining
about the amount of effort we put in.   For me, football is very simple and the match
day experience is very simple.  I want to
players in red and white to give full effort for 90 minutes and then I’ll clap
them off the pitch and go home happy that we gave it our all. We did that today.